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J.J. Haro (Joseph J. Haro)

MYSTERIOUS YEARS I
Till The End Of The Age | All Rights Reserved.

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Author's Note:
It's full of typos, apologies. Some grace please. Chapter 2 is my favorite. Just felt the need to share it sooner than expected. Edits are coming, I just do this for fun. Thanks for visiting my site! :o)

J.J. Haro

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CHAPTER ONE

It’s difficult, explaining where I find myself at the moment. Sharp is null and blurry is jagged.

Left. Right. South.

West. North. East.

Up or Down, it doesn't matter.

Nothing exists here.

N O T E V E N . . . ME.

They call it Vantablack, some say its the darkest shade of black that exists, who knows if that's true. Surely some scientist in some lab has procured something much darker than Vantablack.

I know this much for certain; I'm surrounded by something much darker than Vantablack. A place where time does not exist. A place filled with the toe-curling howls and a deafening silence, simultaneously.

All around me;

everywhere..

all at once.

Don't ask me how, but it's true.

Is there a God? Is there a Devil? And the even bigger question..

W h a t a m I n o w ?

I used to be James Pate, b e f o r e . . .

But now? I’m not so sure.

Anyway, none of that matters anymore.

Everyone is gone. My chances are all gone. I’m all I’ve got left. Whatever it is I am now… I find myself longing for Vantablack. Pleading with the heavens for a remnant of what I once thought real. Did any of it matter?

I keep asking myself how I got here. Wherever it is that I am. Vantablack.. Dear God, I'd take that. Any color, to remember what it was like to have a beating heart. A future. Hope. Just one more breath. Just one more...

My last breath was seconds ago, but it feels like an eternity ago. Wasn't I promised a trial? Wasn't I promised a.. chance? My day in court before the Golden throne? Or was all of it a lie? Was I taught nothing but lies? I'm surrounded by a color I cannot put into words... it’s… something else.

Grandma used to say the human mind isn't capable of perceiving some things, it's been limited by the Almighty himself. Things beyond our understanding and comprehension, our minds couldn’t understand even if we tried. I never understood what she meant, till now.

This isn't hell, I know that much. And even if it was, God would still find me should I make my bed here.

But there is no hell.

There is no heaven.

Or so it seems, where the hell am I?

My past doesn't matter. My future doesn't matter. Time sits still without even a hill.

What...

….am I?

Who...

....am I?

Where…

....am I?

I am but a lost vessel. No body, no mind, no voice, no touch, nothing that I’ve ever known. This feels like the end.. And yet, this is not the end. If it were, I would be fully devoid of consciousness (Which doesn’t sound like such a bad deal right about now.. All things considered.).

I feel no pain.

I feel no joy.

I’m just.. here.

Somewhere.

In my past life I begged for an ending, and now I clamor for a beginning. Of what exactly? I’m not sure. Anything.. at this point. But I guess all there is to do now is wait.

The suddenly, out of nowhere.. life sprung forth.

“Patience James Pate, you must have patience. This is not the End.“ Said an all encompassing voice that shook the walls of nothingness.

Turns out,

I wasn’t alone.

—-—

His smile. His wide gentle grin with kind eyes is all she could remember. She always felt safe with him around. Well, until everything changed.

James Evan Pate was a good person. And while many questions about his situation lingered. Everyone could agree on one thing; he was far too young to die.

He was a completely different person in his last days. Tevin Marks still didn’t quite know how to process it. How someone could go from being such a happy go lucky guy, to someone completely unrecognizable.

Distant.

Cold.

All things considered, the signs were all there. Sometimes he would go missing for weeks or months on end. Spending time in random states or places, suddenly reappearing out of nowhere unannounced.

It became the norm for him. He was unconsolable, cut off all of his friends, and refused to let anyone in.

Why exactly? Well, that’s the mystery all of his family and friends were dealing with now.

It had been two months since her brother's passing. Tevin Marks was unconsolable. She couldn't eat, she couldn't sleep, she felt.. nothing.

Then one day, she found it... the letter.

A yellow Manila envelope that read ‘For Tevin,‘ in James’s immaculate cursive handwriting. Left in her top dresser cabinet under her socks, he knew she would find it eventually.

She carefully opened the envelope with trembling hands and began to read its contents.

Dear Tevin, I've always been a f_ck-up, since I was a wee tot. It only seems fitting that tomfoolery played a big part in the unfortunate series of events that led to my untimely death. If you're reading this... Well, allow me to begin with my sincerest apologies, I never expected life to be this difficult. There are so many things I wish I could tell you. So many heartbreaks I wish I could save you from. Spell everything out for you, so you’ll never suffer as much as I did. But there’s very little I feel comfortable passing down without serious hesitation. After all, look at how things ended for me. However, there are a few things I want you to know. Important things. The things eternal.. at least consider this sordid wisdom from your late brother. This world is cold and dangerous, but even so, there’s kindness and good hiding around every corner. Believe me, I’ve traveled the entire country searching for it. If you find no good around you, then it’s up to you to become that good. Regardless of the situation, no matter how difficult it may be. It’s just one of those things.. You can‘t expect good from others if you’re not willing to reply in kind. Take the hits, if you’re doing the right thing.. it’ll always be worth it. Bad people will dig their own graves, just play no part and walk away. I've loved right and I've loved wrong, but I’ve always loved wholeheartedly. I would advise you to do the same. But be very careful, love can be a very dangerous game. So while we must love without sparing, make sure the person you’re with deserves it. The hard truth is, most don’t. But, you live and learn. Don't stay in bad situations too long, it's much more prudent to see your way to the nearest exit as soon as possible. Trust me, you can’t fix them. Few of my exes tried that with me.. look how that ended up. Some of us, are just stubborn as hell. Don't worry, pretty sure I’m heaven bound. Not really worried about that part, I'm good on that front. Ending it.. was a decision I made when faced with more years of crippling loneliness. Just couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sure God understands, and I'm just fine. I know you tried to help, everyone tried.. I just. Well, it is what it is. Just got a little behind in life, never could find anyone to help me pick up the pace. Everyone seemed much more interested in taking advantage of someone down on their luck. But.. that’s just the cold reality of the world we live in. And so I floundered alone. I couldn't handle being a disappointment anymore. Promise me, please. I don't want you to go through all of the pain and suffering that has befallen your poor older brother. This world is not for the brokenhearted or the weak. Two traits that I sadly possess in ample amounts. What I am about to share with you is of imperative importance. Things can be dangerous around these parts, so you must NEVER forget this. No matter what happens. No matter what anyone tells you. NEVER visit the Mountains of Yarbrough. And if you ever find yourself in a sticky situation... head North and find a man who goes by the name of Chase Charming. He will help you. This may not make sense at this very moment, but it will in due time. Not even I can spare you from what’s to come.. so please, DO NOT FORGET. This could make the difference between life and death in the very near future. Chase Charming is expecting you. Oh, and one last thing... Please don’t forget me. As time goes by, most people become nothing but a stain in our rear view mirror. Don’t let that happen, remember your poor old brother and his warnings. I Love You, James Pate

---

CHAPTER TWO

"So.. let's get started. Now tell me, how are you dealing with all of this? Are you doing okay?"

Tevin lifted her drooped head slightly to reply. "I really am fine. James kept to himself, the older he got, the less we spoke. So his absence isn't necessarily the biggest shock," she said with a wry smile.

"I understand that," said Dr. Skelly as she took a small sip of her coffee. "A loss this significant though, usually leaves some residual effects. Is anything bothering you? Worries? Concerns? Are you eating well? Tell me, how are you really doing? This is a safe space, feel free to tell me anything. Nothing leaves this room. No judgement."

Tevin slowly shook her head, "I really am fine."

"Hmm," Said Dr. Skelly. "The Coroner's Report states that James died of... well, by his own hand," Dr. Skelly slight lowered her head in reverence. "How does that.. How do you feel about that?"

Once again, Tevin shook her head and shrugged ever so slightly. "I mean. It happened, it's done; nothing we can do about it now."

"Well, I suppose that's true," Said Dr. Skelly with a slight consternation in her voice.

"So... you act like you don't care..? Pardon the bluntness, but your parents tell me you didn't shed a single tear at the funeral. I've been told you were quite close to your brother a few years ago."

"Yeah. But we hadn't had a single conversation in years. Sure, we were close; but that was a long time ago. Another life."

"Hmm." Said Dr. Skelly as she scribbled in her notebook.

"Wait. Did I say something wrong?"

"No. Not at all. There are no wrong answers here, I'm just a little bit concerned is all. In cases like these, suppressing our emotions can lead to disastrous situations. If you don't grieve correctly, you could end up snapping at the most inopportune moments. I just want to make sure we confront this head first. Leave no stone unturned."

Tevin had a small flashback to the night prior.

Tears fell from Tevin's cheeks, she couldn't believe what she had just read. In a moment of weakness she crumpled up the letter and threw it across the room.

"But it's you.. you idiot! It's you! You're the one we all need!!!" She yelled through muffled cries. She laid down in the fetal position and started rocking herself back and forth, whispering to herself.. "You're the one we all need.. it's you we'll need!"

· "Really. I'm alright. It doesn't matter anyway. It's done. He's gone." She said with a crackling voice. "He's gone.. It's done. Crying won't bring him back."

"While that may be true. Processing your grief in a healthy way is imperative for a healthy development."

"Listen.. I'm doing just fine." She doubled down. "James is gone, we weren't close. He never talked to me toward the end. I was no one to him. It doesn't matter anymore. And he wasn't my brother, he was my step-brother, get your facts straight." Tevin couldn't handle it anymore, she snapped. (That was fast.) She began to visibly tear up, her cheeks grew red.

"Oh.. I'm sorr-"

Tevin cut the doctor off. "Listen, I have homework. I don't have time for this shit."

With that, Tevin grabbed her purse and headed right out the nearest door.

Dr. Skelly was shocked. She tried going after her, "Wait.."

But Tevin was long gone. She raced out the lobby, got in her car and sped off quickly. She wasn't interested in discussing the matter further.

-

The rest of the evening was a strange one. She spent most of the evening laying in bed, watching the rotor blades spin endlessly above her.

SWOOSH. SWOOSH. SWOOSH.

Truth was, she only had one very real concern on her mind. According to her pastor, suicide was an unforgivable sin. Which meant... if true. James Pate was in hell. She would never see her brother again.

---

· I’d even take Vantablack, the darkest of the dark on earth. Anything familiar. That’s all I wanted. Red, Blue, Yellow, any color.

Anything.

In a sea of nothingnesss, all I wanted was something to remind me of home. Anything was better than this. Literally Anything.

And well… my prayers were answered. Rather quickly really.

“PATIENCE.” Said the thundering voice.

Sure, it was easy for the Great Wizard of Oz to say that. I'm the one missing my entire body. Death became… ME.

“Hey. Cool it smart mouth. I can hear your thoughts. And I’ve been here the entire time, I was just waiting to see if you’ve learned anything since last time you were here.”

I thought too soon. In the span of seconds, a massive SWOOSH took place. The coolest thing about all of this? Watching the impossible happen right before your eyes. It truly was a sight to behold.

In the span of seconds. A massive Golden Throne appeared out of nowhere, white clouds filled the room. Goliath walls that seemed to have no end. One-Hundred plus feet, without a doubt. A floor made of gold instantly took shape beneath my feet.

I WAS BACK! My big head was back.

My legs were back.

My arms.

My hands.

My toes.

The whole team was here!I WAS ALIVE AGAIN! Beating heart and all.

"Are you ready James? Judgement Day is here." Said the thundering voice.

A few feet in front of me stood the Great Golden Throne. A smaller bronze stand appeared facing the throne. It looked like I wasn't alone, there were two others beside me. We all stood in a single file line on the left hand side of the room. They looked just as confused as I was; a small frail woman and a lean & muscly man.

The Golden throne was magnificent, beautiful, regal, astounding in every sense of the word. I wondered to myself just who sat upon it… Buddha? Allah? God? His face was obstructed from my view.

Honestly though, all that mattered at that very moment was the small bronze stand facing the Golden throne. Each one of us being called to the stand by name, one by one. To plead our case before.. the Judge. It wasn't long before we received further instruction.

"Maria, please step forward," Said a thundering voice.

A small curly headed woman with a light brown complexion two spots ahead of me stepped forward. Slowly stepping onto the small bronze stand. She faced the Golden Throne shamefully, legs quivering.

Allow me to deviate for a small moment. I bet you're wondering just what the Almighty looks like.. and well, I hate to disappoint. But even I couldn't make out the identity of the deity sitting on the Golden Throne.

It was odd.. I could see him, I could hear him, but my mind couldn't create the words to elaborate and describe him. I couldn’t discuss this deity's appearance even if I wanted to, my mind wouldn’t let me. The oddest of things.. Well, I guess to the Creator himself.. anything is possible.

"Maria, you spent your time on the earth as a Lady of the evening most of your days. You abandoned your mother and siblings at an early age, and you forgot my commandments for the most of your days on earth. Tell me. How do you plead?"

"Guilty," said the small woman.

A rather extended silence gripped the room, the man standing in line in front of me was enthralled in the drama. He looked at me shamelessly and shook his head at me with widened eyes.

That was it? He just threw our worst traits out there? We couldn't talk back in rebuttal? Plead our case!?! What kind of unjust court was this!?! I watched attentively, hoping the sentencing in this trial would shed some light on the Creator's name. Who was he?

After roughly a minute of silence, the deity finally spoke. "Maria, is that all you have to say for yourself. Do you have anything else you'd like to add? This is your time to do so. Speak now or forever hold your peace."

The small woman looked up feebly with big watery eyes and shook her head slowly, simply saying "What you said was true. You know all, so I won't try to say otherwise."

"Guilty eh?" Said the salient voice. "Why don't you tell me the real truth Maria? I'd love to hear it. You're safe here. No one is going to hurt you for speaking the truth. Tell me what really happened on that earth Maria." He said in a soft tender voice, his tone dramatically changing.

Maria said nothing.

After a few moments of thinking to herself, she started to quietly bawl. She looked up, and through tears simply said "I don't know what to say."

The Creator was swift in responding this time. "You could tell me the truth. Your family sold you into prostitution to feed your siblings. You went to church once, but the life you were handed would not allow you to follow my commandments. Lest you starve. And that you did Maria. After running away from an abusive client, you got lost in the woods and starved."

My mouth dropped. What was this? A judge who knew the backstory? A judge who knew... The real truth? What in the...

Maria looked up slowly, her tears only grew louder. "My mother. She's not a bad person! She did what she had to do. Please don't do anything to her. We were all just trying to survive. That world is cruel. So cruel.." She blurted out through tears.

"Well. You're not there anymore. The people who hurt you have no power here, they'll never hurt you again.." said the voice calmly. "You're safe now. It's over. And don't worry about your mother, if you only knew... She didn't want to do what she did. But she was given no choice by others. And you're very right, that world is out of control.. but you're safe now. I promise."

Maria's tears simply grew louder and louder, she seemed frantic. The man in front of me began to tear up. Truth was, I couldn't help but shed a wispy tear or two myself.

"Maria. It's okay Maria. It's alright now, they can't hurt you anymore. The people who hurt you will never step foot where you're headed. I promise you that." Said the voice softly. "Now, let Gabriel help you. He'll guide you through the doors on your left. Don't worry, you're safe now."

A large winged creature appeared out of nowhere. It was a man with massive white wings. Something sounded familiar, then it finally hit me. GABRIEL! The deity... The one shrouding his appearance.. it was God.

God. The Creator himself. Wow.

The large winged man approached Maria. He gently stretched out his arms and helped her off of the floor and helped her start walking toward the large crystal doors on the left side of the throne. They had a baby blue hue with gold accents. It gleamed in the beaming light reflecting from the Golden Throne.

"You're safe now... Don't worry Maria.." said the thunderous voice with the and tenderness of a father's love. "It's over."

As soon as Gabriel and the woman stepped through the Crystal doors, they instantly disappeared. I was left stunned..

The man in front of me started acting rather strange. He was wide eyed and looked filled with something I quite couldn't place. It wasn't until I heard the loud voice speak that I finally understood.

"Marty Buck Stillson. Please step forward." Then I finally understood. The man shook his head, panicked, and ran away swiftly. He took off behind me, into the endless clouds we were surrounded by.

The loud voice began to laugh. "Oh Marty. What are you worried about? Maria didn't rat you out. No need to worry." He said as he continued laughing.

Suddenly the man reappeared out of nowhere. Running straight into the massive golden throne. Knocking himself out. "Gabriel.. some help please?"

Again, the large winged angel reappeared. This time, he wasn't as kind... He grabbed Marty by the arms and dragged him to the small bronze stand. Propping him up on it coldly, then swiftly disappeared. Marty was in trouble.

"Now. Shall we begin Marty?"

Marty seemed passed out. He dared not say a word, slumped over the bronze stand in a dazed state.

"I know you're faking it. I LITERALLY built you dude. You think I don't know your tricks? Get up." Said the thunderous voice sternly.

Marty didn't respond. Still propped up miserably on the bronze stand.

"I SAID. GET THE F*CK UP MARTY." The voice said so loudly that my ears were left ringing.

Marty finally listened. He quickly got to his feet and looked directly at the throne.

"Now. Let me ask you. ARE YOU READY TO BEGIN?"

Marty was too scared to speak. It looked like.. yep. He peed himself. Poor guy was really going through it. He looked up and nodded slowly, then proceeded to look down.

"Look up. I want you to look me in the eyes when you answer my questions."

Marty kept staring at the floor.

"I SAID LOOK THE F*CK UP!"

Marty slowly looked up.

"Yeah. God can cuss too.. Surprise Surprise. Now pay attention you little brat."

Marty nodded.

"So here's the deal buddy. No need to soil your pants, you're fine.. I'm going to make this easy for you. You lived your life on earth seeking power. Doing nothing but belittling others, and quite a few other unspeakable acts to get your way. Now tell me. Do you just want to plead guilty and save us both some time here? Or would you really like me to spell everything out for you. Mention everything you've done in front of Mr. Pate here?"

The man turned around and glanced at me nervously. He seemed embarrassed. "I especially don't want to mention what you did to poor Maria. Threatening an innocent person like that... Shame on you. So what will it be?"

The man seemed puzzled. He was only standing ten feet or so away from me so it wasn't hard to see his sudden changes in facial expressions.

Ahem He cleared his throat before speaking. "You're right. But.."

"BUT..." Said the thundering voice in anger.

Marty then shook his head instantly and quickly replied with a silent "Nevermind.. We can just do guilty."

"Well that's obvious, you're guilty. Listen Marty, you spent your life living in splendor. Purposely keeping others from achieving success to further your own goals and agenda... But, I want to hear what you have to say. Tell me. What is it you wanted to say?"

The man shook his head hesitantly, and after a quick pause finally replied. "Sir, I'm not going to argue with you. I was raised a specific way, and I was told to act the way I did. It's all I knew. But you're right, it doesn't excuse the behaviors that I exhibited. Just because I was taught to do wrong, doesn't mean I should have listened.. I just wish... I just wish I had lived another life. I had expectations. People expected me to live a certain way. Society.. I didn't have a choice! You know I speak the truth."

"Society eh? Tell me. Is society here to save you now?"

The man dared not reply. He simply stared at the floor and shook his head slowly, defeated. "No, I suppose they're not here."

"Exactly. But... You had something else you wanted to say. I'd like to hear it please."

"It really is alright. If there was anything I could do..." The man said quietly, breaking down into quiet sobs. "I'd take it all back if I could."

God started chuckling. "So. What I'm hearing is you'd like to appeal... your case?"

The man looked at the Golden throne, puzzled. "Can.. c-can you do that?" He asked nervously.

"Well.. no one has ever asked that before..."

"But.. what about..."

"Listen Marty, don't push your luck. I'm considering your request right now. I'm not too sure how to respond. Should I ignore years of established doctrine just to save... The rich man when he starts to cry? You were trusted in society Marty, and you used your position to threaten helpless struggling people. That's a grievous offense."

Marty looked down at the floor and remained silent.

"Listen. I want you to do me a favor.. Take the place of Mr. Pate, get back in line and we'll discuss your fate momentarily. I have a feeling you may be of some use here. But I'm not sure just yet, I've got to speak with James first."

Marty looked at me confusedly and slowly walked in my direction. "But I want you to understand something Marty. You don't get to choose the conditions of your second chance. In fact, you're lucky if I even choose to give you one. The rich man rarely gets into heaven."

Marty just looked back, defeated. Gently nodded, and then took a few slow steps to stand beside me. He shrugged at me and shook his head in shame.

"Now. James, follow me to my quarters. We have some business to discuss in private."

A large crystal door appeared out of nowhere on the right hand side of the Golden Throne. I clearly saw a man wearing white robes walk from the Golden throne and take steps into the massive crystal doors. He turned to face me with a smile. "Come on James, I don't bite. For the millionth time, this is your home. Come on."

'For the millionth time..?' What did that mean? I stared at the man, a little confused.. but I followed obediently.

As I entered the Crystal doors a familiar view came to be. Hard wooden floors, red brick lined walls, and a desk made of gold shining in the center of the room.

The man took a seat behind the Golden desk and smiled warmly at me. "Calm down James, you're fine. Go ahead and take a seat, remember.. this is your home."

A small green velvet chair appeared facing the Golden Desk, it looked comfortable. And oddly enough, just like the rest of the room; extremely familiar.

"Go ahead and ask... I know you want to."

"You said... For the millionth time a second ago... But I've never been here.. what did you mean?"

The man shook his head slowly and stared to his left. "Allow me to jog your memory. Take a look out of that window.. and tell me what you see. Once you've done that, you will understand."

I slowly rose from the velvet green chair and walked to the large green window. It was at first only but a small three foot window covering a small portion of the wall. But as I got closer to it, it started to expand quickly until it eventually became a large window that extended from ceiling to floor.

Truth be told, I wasn't prepared for what I was about to see.

Everyone was there.

EVERYONE.

Except…

In a beautiful flower lined field with a brook running through. My mother. My father. Sisters. Brothers. Friends. Everyone significant in my life in the near distance. They all stared with at me with a huge grin. Most of them shaking their heads, waving at me.

"Now do you remember?"

In a series of consecutive flashbacks that took only seconds. The memories flooded my mind, of all the discussions I had with this man previously. In this very room. Tears filled my eyes as I saw Maria walk into the crowd happily looking up at me. Most of them waving.

Timothy, my old dog. Peter, everyone..I kept searching, everyone I could think of was there. It was... Beautiful. "I'm ready.." I said with a joyful heart. "They've been waiting for me haven't they..."

The man stared at me with a concerned smile, only to say "Are you sure about that? Look again."

I kept looking at everyone.. my future kids. My family, everyone. Both living and deceased. Everyone was there. Why wasn't... I? Why? I didn't understand...

"James." Said the man sadly, "This has been your fourth suicide attempt. We've been waiting for you for a long time. Me, your family, friends.. everyone. We'd love to have you here, and we're more than ready. But... Well.. it's complicated to explain..."

I think I knew. Deep down. I just.. needed a moment for my head to realize what my heart already knew.

I kept staring at the group of people staring back at me. Their smiles, their waves, my kids... How did I know who they were. I hadn't even had any yet... My entire past, present, and future was there. Waiting for me earnestly. They smiled and shook their heads, as if they knew... What my heart didn't want to admit to itself just yet. I would not be joining them that day. Why.. I'm not sure.

"January 3rd, 2023 was your first suicide attempt. Your trial.. it was quick. Just like Maria's. You begged and pleaded for safety... You pleaded guilty. Just like Maria." He sighed loudly.

More memories were flooding back. Gabriel helping me up as I cried on the bronze stand, I even remembered when he guided me into the Crystal gates. Being greeted by the very people outside the window. But then... Then it hit me. The real reason why..

God simple stared at me and shook his head with a soft smile. "When you enter those gates, tears of joy are supposed to fill your senses. There's no sorrow from your past life. Those you left behind, or didn't make it... You're supposed to be alright. It's how I designed it. It was the perfect design. But you.... You James, you're not like the others. Something is different about you. Everyone remembers their life on earth, but everyone makes peace and moves on. But you... You became unconsolable when... You... Brought tears into heaven. Something I didn't even think was possible. And yet... You did it... Do you remember him now?" He smiled at me.

I nodded gently.

"Do you understand why he's not here?"

Once again, I nodded. Slower this time as I remembered my past conversations in this very room. "I remember." I whispered.

"You understand why I can't let him in right?"

I nodded. "But--"

He cut me off. "But what this.. but what that.. We've talked it ALL out. From that very first day You became unconsolable when you couldn't find him. You searched everywhere, I built this very room just to explain the situation to you.. we're not having this argument again. It's an endless round and round. James, this is your fourth suicide attempt. You're risking your life trying to come home... WE WANT YOU HERE! DON'T YOU THINK IT HURTS US TO SEE YOU DOWN THERE! CRYING ABOUT SOMEONE WHO ONLY CARES ABOUT THEMSELVES?!" The man began to tear up as he spoke, his voice quivering. "James... You have to give up on him. You're risking your own safety. Some things you don't come back from... Don't drown, trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

I wanted to speak, but I wasn't sure how to reply. I had to say something.. "I... Is it too late?" I asked with tears in my eyes.

The man shook his head at me and smiled. "James, if you go back... The world... It's only going to get worse. You need to understand. We want you here, safe with us... Home. I designed heaven to be a place without tears. But we see you... And Everytime you return to the fire... For someone who pushes you into said fire. We watch you suffer. And... We suffer too. You.. brought tears to heaven. You're one of our own.. please... STAY."

"I... I... I can't. I can't stay here without him... I just can't." I broke down in tears. "Someone has to save him. Everyone's given up onj him. Even you!"

The man stared at me with a stern face, shaking his head at me. "I know you James. You don't mean that. But if you must know... I've done everything I could for him. He won't listen to me. He doesn't want to be saved. There's nothing I can do for him, he won't take my help. He flees from it. You somehow think... You can talk some sense into him. But.. it's not that simple."

"WELL THEN HELP ME! Maybe if it's me and you, we could do it. Together.. I... He doesn't know what's coming..... There's good in him, he doesn't deserve that."

"James. I love you, but you need to understand that the punishment coming to people on earth will be well deserved. And you don't belong there.. but you're imperiling your own salvation to try to save someone who... Well, they don't want help. YOU CAN'T SAVE HIM."

"I've already saved myself. Isn't it the right thing to do... to try to save him... It's the least I can do. He... He doesn't know.. he doesn't know what he's doing. Heaven can wait, I have to go back for him. It's not fair! No one taught him right."

"And you can... Yes, yes, I've heard it all. This is the fourth time we've had this conversation. I knew this would happen. Listen, this is your fourth attempt, somethings got to give. I've made sure your vital organs remain unscathed, but... It's getting bad for you down there. If you try again... I'm afraid you could do some serious damage, you'll have no choice but to stay. You need to remember that."

"Okay." I said contemplatively.

"What's worse.. the second you get back to earth... You forget everything that happened here. So, when things get dark again.. you won't know. After four attempts, you could do something truly stupid."

"I... Forget everything?"

God nodded gently.

"Well. Can you send me a sign or something? Like.."

God stared at me incredulously. "Listen, I'm trying to warn you not to go back. Things are going to get worse down there. You must understand, there is evil... Things that must come about that.. well, it's going to make it ten times harder to save someone like him.. you're heading in to a... Well, a suicide mission. You have no idea how bad the odds are against you."

I looked up, tears starting to finally subside. I looked at him with a small smirk, "Maybe so, but I've got a God that can do the impossible."

"HA!" He laughed out loud. "Buttering me up eh. Sounds about right. Alright, maybe I can throw you a bone or two. But I have no idea how you're going to do it... The odds are ever so against your favor."

SniffSniffSniff The odd thing here, was that I knew someone was missing outside that window. But I had no idea who it was, his memory... All I could remember was how he made me feel. I had no name, no face, nothing.

"Can I ask-"

He cut me off again. "You can't. As I've explained to you before, many times. The secrets of heaven are not for you, not just yet. We've tried offering them to you. But you refuse to join us without him... So no. I can't explain why your entire family is out there. And yes, when you go back to earth, they will be there as well. There are some secrets that will stay with me until you enter the kingdom for good."

"Ah... Alright." I walked back to the green velvet chair and slumped down in it. I took a deep breath and stared at the wooden ceiling, adorned by two glass sky lights that lit up the room.

"Your time here. It's almost up. Going back... It's not that simple anymore. I really wish you would reconsider... Many have tried what you're doing, and have failed. Only to end up losing their own salvation, do you understand that? This is serious."

I slumped my head & nodded. "Anymore...? What do you mean?"

"I... All I can say is. It's going to be difficult this time around. It's not the same. You've been here four times now. I've had to wrestle you from the grips of Hades four times in a row now... Every single time you attempt suicide, you might as well call the devil on speed dial. You're causing problems... And it's... Well, a problem. You're putting your life on the line for someone who... Well, they don't care about you."

"I know..." I said sadly. "But.. they don't know what they're doing. Someone has to show them.."

"Listen, you can head back. But this time... There are things I cannot help you with. Not anymore... If you choose to go back for him, you will be tested this time around.. getting back. It won't be so easy this time."

"What do you mean...?" I asked slightly concerned.

He sighed and shook his head, "I can't explain it. You're going to have to figure that part out on your own.. the only thing I can say is.. I've done what I can for you. I've helped you back three times now. This time, you must go at it alone. To reach earth once more, you will have to conquer what lies in the beyond...."

"What's the beyond?" I asked curiously.

"Its a place... Well, you've been there before. It's where you were earlier today. Remember?"

"Oh." I said fearfully. "That place."

"Yeah."

"How am I supposed to make it out of there?" I asked nervously.

"That's the thing. I can't tell you. You must make find your way out on your own. And that place is not what it seems.. it was hiding it's true form from you. It knew I was on my way for you. The Beyond doesn't mess with my chosen people. But... If I return you there. You'll be fair game. It will reveal itself... Trust me, you might end up wishing it had never done so."

"Alright. Well, that sounds terrifying."

"It kind of is."

"So, you can tell the future... Can you tell me if I make it out of there or not? I know I have to go back."

An extended silence took place. I twiddled my thumbs, God stared out the window; waving back at my family. Acting as if he didn't hear my question.

"I can't tell you that." He said, his tone turning slightly stern. "Why do you think I've been trying to talk you into staying so badly. We all have. Everytime someone enters the Beyond, there is no guarantee they will survive. What you are doing is reckless, and you're endangering yourself. If you do not succeed, you will not make it back to earth. You could get stuck in the Beyond forever. You must understand this..." He said, slightly pausing to watch my reaction. "So tell me. Do you still want to go back?"

I thought for a second. Every ounce of my being knew I couldn't enter heaven without him. I knew without him I could never live comfortably. Not knowing... I could have saved him. I could have helped him become better. I could have.... I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try. I had to go back. I simply had to.. No matter the risk. So, I nodded silently and waited for his reply.

"Right. Of course. It's the great James Pate were talking about here. I should have known." He said with a wink.

I smiled nervously. "Any tips you might wanna share with.. ya boy?"

His smile ran a mile. "I told you.. I can't help you this time. It is up to you to survive the beyond. Making it back to Earth.. is up to you alone. I just hope you're prepared."

I gulped loudly.. "Pre-prepared for what...?"

"Well. No, I shouldn't say..."

"Please do.." I said in a crackling high pitched voice. "Anything.. you make the beyond sound like hell itself."

God looked at me sternly for a moment. Raised his left eyebrow and shook his head slowly. "My dear boy. The Beyond... Is much worse than hell. At least in hell Satan can help you. In the beyond... It's all YOU."

My heart dropped.

Silence.

"Well... I mean. I'm not completely heartless. It'll be you and... Marty." He said with a devilish smile.

My heart dropped, again. I laughed, as if he was joking. "Heh. Could I... Not? I'd rather go alone. Marty seems like... He'd trip me to save himself. I can try alone." Honestly, I figured he'd make it harder. The beyond already sounded terrifying. Worse than hell? Like, what the hell.

God simply shook his head and chuckled. "Hahaha. That's not how that works. Besides... Even though you won't remember. I'd like you to spend some time with the man you're trying to save."

———

The dinner table was a stone cold mess, they ordered Pizza (Which typically lit up the household). But not tonight, Blake and Tevin blankly stared at each other with blank faces. Each hoping the other would break the silence. But no such luck. The tension was palpable.

Blake hadn't said much since the funeral. He wasn't particularly the biggest fan of James, neither of us had been as of late.

The sermon at the funeral were short, even the preacher had beef with James.. everyone had beef with that man. A fact that made Tevin laugh a little, she wondered how such an unlikeable man could exist. And well... Technically Speaking, he didn't anymore. They minced their words, each afraid to stole the fire. Unsure how the other felt since his passing.

They both watched in confusion as the preacher spoke well of James.. "He was a caring.. and loving person. Loved by his family and community." Their eyes widened, some in the audience even rolled their eyes. "He will be missed."

But he would not in fact be missed. Well, a part of him would be missed. The old part, but the person he became.. was not someone well liked. He became quickly irritable, distant, cold, and never left the house toward his final days. That is, until he started walking.. he would disappear at random intervals and walk all throughout the country. Some said he was heartbroken, some called him a public nuisance. But nobody really knew... He wouldn't speak to anyone. It was almost as if... He was looking for something. Someone. Tevin knew this, but didn't remember it.

"He's in a better place now. At least." Tevin said in a soft voice while taking a small bite of a pizza slice.

Blake sighed loudly, he said nothing. "I guess..." Said Blake with a slight hesitancy in his voice. He wanted to stay quiet, but this time.. he couldn't. "You know, according to Pastor Mike, people who commit suicide don't make it to heaven."

SLAP. Tevin dropped her slice of pizza on the plate with no words. She stared at Blake, a little bewildered.

“My brother was just misunderstood. I'm sure God will understand, he was a good person. Pastor Mike also said God judges the heart."

Now this is the part where all chaos broke loose. Well, in a sense of the word. Blake wasn't particularly keen on sugarcoating any situation, but Tevin wasn't all too comfortable with badmouthing the dead. Especially not her sibling. But Blake it seems, had some choice words he wanted to get off his chest. And he decided somehow.. this was the right time.

“Your brother was a thug, a bully, financially illiterate, untrustworthy, and worse thing is… No one liked him! The funeral was empty for a reason! You’re lucky I got the football team to come fill seats!" He took a huge swig of cola and continued on in his rant, oblivious to Tevin's feelings. Little did he know, his words cut like a sharp sword. "All James cared about was himself. How well he looked. What others thought of him. How well he dressed. The most important thing in his life was his image. How does that a good person make?” He said w/a scoff.

“Says the guy who won’t wear anything unless it’s name brand. Weren’t you just crying about getting dirt on your Jordans earlier today? Huh?! Who’s Shakespeare now?”

Blake didn't have a reply. He finally realized this was not the time to badmouth James. He was trying to analyze the situation, not too sure whether to backpedal or double down on his criticisms of James. He chose to remain silent.

“Yeah. Ain’t got much to say now eh.. Cat got your tongue?”

“Eh.. eh…” He mumbled through his words.

“Right. James was just like the rest of us. We all care about useless things from time to time. It’s all fun and games until… Until we realize none of those things won't save us.. He was a good man... The person he was toward the end. It wasn't him. It was someone else.. I don't know how to explain it." She took a slight pause and took a sip of her drink. "The man at the funeral... Did you see him? The older man in a gray suit? Did he look familiar to you? Do you know who he was?"

Blake hadn't even given it a second thought, but he had noticed the strange older man. "The man with the scars on his face, seemed like he was in his sixties? Standing alone at the back?"

"Yeah. Him."

"Come to think of it, I've never seen him before. I wonder who he was. I'm sure we could check the guest book if we needed to." Said Blake matter of factly.

"We could. But I don't think it matters, I was just curious if you knew him. I'm sure James knew a lot of people. He traveled everywhere."

"He was quite well-traveled wasn't he?"

"Quite. He was one crazy guy."

"I'm sorry by the way. What I said about him.. it was a bit harsh. Not the right time or place, so I'm sorry."

Tevin relented and sighed loudly. "No, listen. You're kind of right. He was a difficult man, and no one knew who he was toward the very end. He shut everyone out, treated everyone coldly and became very distant. A lot of what you said was true, even if I hate to admit it. I just wish I knew why... Why he acted the way he did. I wish I would've known what he was going through."

"One thing I can say for him... He may actually be in a better place. A day before we found him.. I received a strange phone call from him. I don't think I ever mentioned it to you. But... He called me late at night to give me some advice. In hindsight, I wish I would have noticed something was strange. He sounded weak, a lot more somber than normal."

Tevin leaned in, curious. "Seriously? What did he say? You should have told me before!" She was a little annoyed. "I've been going insane wondering why all of this happened." She kept the letter a secret, she didn't want to mention it to him. Just in case, she was still rather confused by all of the rambling of tough times ahead.. Chase Charming and such.

"Before I tell you. Answer me one thing. Why haven't you cried a single tear? You've remained silent, and honestly. It's a little worrying."

Tevin rolled her eyes. "That's what the shrink said too." She hesitated for a moment, wondering how in depth her answer should be. "I just... I don't believe it was goodbye. My mind, something tells me I'll be seeing him again. I'll pass someday myself, and I think... Well... Somehow, I know. He'll be there to greet me. I'll see him again."

"That's sweet," he said smiling warmly at her. "I guess, you're kind of right. You'll love to hear this then. He called to tell me to get right with God. Honestly, I chalked it up to him being drunk. But he sounded sober.. he just went on a small rant about how important it was to have a relationship with God. Let him help you.. keep in active communication with him.. I know he was going through some things. But after that phone call, I never would have expected him to... At least not again. I thought he was getting better."

"So did I... So did I..." She said as she stared out the window, watching the neighborhood cars drive by. "I never. Last night I prayed God have mercy on him. He didn't deserve to go like that. I just wish things would have ended differently." She said as she swelled up with tears.

"Don't think like that. I know no matter where James is, he's definitely making do somehow. Someway, he always finds a way. He was good at that. I still remember when he didn't have the money to travel to Oklahoma City, so he walked there." He said as he laughed loudly, "He was something else."

She cracked a smile through the tears. "Yeah.. you're right. He was something else. I'm sure... You're right. I'm sure he's alright. No matter where he is."

"Of course." Blake got up and leaned in to give her a hug, "And I think you're right. We'll be seeing him again. Not sure when, but someday. We'll see that crazy man again. If not in this life, then the next."

Tevin wiped her tears with her sweater and let out a faint smile. "You're right. We'll be okay. He'll be okay. We'll be together again someday."

"Someday." Blake reassured her.

---

CHAPTER THREE

Mercy Pate was a timid woman, she didn’t speak much and typically kept to herself. Aside from her gorgeous complexion, her demeanor left much to the imagination. One could never quite place whether she was uninhibited or fully in control of her senses. She lost track of time quickly, was always late to functions and events; and she often forgot to pick up her children from daycare.

She was a good mother, mind you, just a bit odd at times. Nobody could blame her, she was never the same after Harold Pate passed away. She obviously needed help raising her children, but she refused any. She was determined to do it all on her own. She wouldn’t even date, she remained committed to the memory of her late husband. Many tried to convince her otherwise, but she wouldn’t budge. He was gone, and she wanted to honor his memory.

In her defense, they did make quite the good couple. He was always attentive to her every whim and need and she always did the same. They complemented each other perfectly. Nothing could bring back that spark in her eye, absolutely nothing. Many tried to convince her otherwise but she would not relent; turning down possible suitors one after another.

Her situation was one the entire community was afraid to confront. Not only was she a woman of unlimited means, she was also a woman with way too much on her plate. Now, devoid of where your stance is on such delicate situations, Mercy was seriously struggling on her own.

Her home was grand and spacious, Harold would allow nothing less for his beloved. And yet, it was left unkempt and poorly managed. She was a private woman, visitors were rarely allowed into her humble abode.

The townsfolk were at odds as to what her ailment was.

Rumors swirled as to her condition; many suspected a serious bout of depression which had left her hanging on to dear life addicted to prescription antidepressants, others were convinced it was painkillers, while some predicted the worst. A full on Methamphetamine Addiction, a rumor of the most insidious. Yet no action was taken on the part of the local authorities or her doctor, which kept her situation under the strictest of confidentiality. She was a lovely woman, struggling with a loss of the worst kind.

And yet, the façade she put on for the public was beginning to crack.

Harold Pate Jr. was nine, Mary Pate was ten, and James Pate was eleven. They were a lively bunch, a joyous and quite a talkative group of kids. Emphasis on ‘were.’

That all changed when their father passed. Dressed in their Sunday best like the rest, nothing really changed in their attire. But their smiles were gone, they always seemed lost or tired. They stopped going to church and attending school functions.

Everyone expected things to improve with time, but that did not seem to be the case. Not this time. Things only seemed to be getting worse. Her complexion grew pale and coarse, and she exhibited a dramatic loss of weight. Her cheeks began to sink in. The bags under her eyes grew darker.

Their picture perfect home was immaculate on the outside so no one suspected anything. The gardeners were doing a superb job. So when an anonymous call was made to Child Protective Services, it blindsided everyone. Even DHS was hesitant to pursue the lead. Harold Pate was a decorated figure in the community and Mercy Pate played a big part in his success. She loved her children and everyone knew it.

But the children’s safety was paramount. They decided that if nothing was wrong, then nothing would be done. Well, that’s how it was supposed to go down.

While the details of the DHS Visit were kept under wraps for the most part. The consequences of said visit were disastrously public. Mercy’s wails still haunt some to this day.

“NOO! NOOO! NOT MY BABIES!!!” She screamed. The wails of a woman in serious distress. “Noottttt my babies!!!” She yelled over and over again.

Over and over till her screams became but a mere whimper.

The kids were quiet for the most part. Except for Mary Pate, who was very close to her mother. Those present were left with heartbreaking images seared in their memories. Little Mary screaming, stretching out her hands for her mother.

“MMMOOOMMMYYYYY!!!” She screamed as the state workers tried to hold back years. “I WANT MY MOMMYYYY!!!! LET ME GOO!!!” A small group of neighbors had accumulated, watching the entire ghastly ordeal.

Mercy Pate was born in New Hampshire to a middle-class family. She was raised by her grandmother after her parents lost custody of her due to negligence. Mercy promised herself this would never happen to her. She would never lose her children, they were her world.

Unfortunately, Mercy was never warned; Love can be a very dangerous thing. And she was not prepared to lose it.

Exactly one year after her husbands’s passing, she lost the most precious connection she shared with her late husband. A loss she would never recover from.

The next morning, Mercy Pate was found unconscious in her living room floor. Twenty minutes after the paramedics arrived, she was pronounced dead. The town would never be the same again.

James, Mary, and Harold Jr. were taken by the state. At this point, the town tried to intervene. A few families even offered to adopt the three children. But for one reason or another, their custody became a matter shrouded in bureaucracy. The state was worried about the controversy surrounding the family, so to prevent any further fallout the children were immediately whisked away to another city.

And as with all things, with time, their story became a thing of the past. The story of the Pate Family wandered into Obscurity, leaving the fate of the three Pate children up in the air.

The Pate Family became a taboo subject in the town and it’s leaders. A topic everyone avoided bringing up at all costs. They were ashamed of how the situation was handled. They could have done better, they should have intervened earlier.

The ugly truth was, had they done so, Mercy Pate might still be alive today. Too afraid to hurt Mercy’s feelings, they allowed her story to unfold disastrously.

But fret not, the city leaders promised to never allow such a thing to occur again. Never again, they promised themselves. Never Again. Deep down they all knew, this could have been prevented.

The three children were kept together for as long as possible. The foster care system is not for the faint of heart. The three children grew cold-hearted, their demeanor grew somber. They lost both their mother and father within the span of a year.

To make matters worse, one year later.. they would lose each other.

Harold and Mary were adopted by a wealthy couple, but they were only interested in adopting two children.. not three. Since James was the oldest, he was the odd boy out. The state was at odds internally.

Everyone wanted the children to stay together considering everything they’d been through. However, the chances that all three of them would be adopted together were slim to none. Truth was.. younger children had a higher chance of adoption. Most older children almost always ended up aging out of the system.

So they made a difficult choice and allowed the children to be separated, they reasoned that James was older and more likely to survive on his own. It was a tough call, but they were confident in their decision. So Harold Jr. and Mary moved to New Hampshire hand-in-hand. And James was left to fend for himself, alone.

As James grew older, he repeatedly asked about his mother’s whereabouts. But no one had the heart to tell him the truth. He was simply told his mother was in rehabilitation and would return soon. They never elaborated and left it at that.

As the years passed, James grew insatiable regarding his mother’s whereabouts. The old scapegoat lie no longer satisfied his curiosity. The Marks, his foster family, realized he should have been told the truth a long time ago.

James was now a teenager with serious behavioral issues. One who shrugged off every form of authority and slept with an old ripped photo of his mother under his pillow. Even lies told with the utmost of intentions can prove detrimental in the long run.

He was now sixteen and longed to see his family. He cried himself to sleep most nights, and his eyes lit up everytime he passed his childhood home.

“Listen,” the sad eyed teenager reasoned with his foster mother. “If she's in jail its fine. I don't care, I just want to see her. I'm old enough now. She’s getting older and I just want a new picture with her, that's all. This old one is ripped in two and fading, I want a new one! Surely the rehabilitation center will make an exception for me. Please, I promise I'll be good.”

Jennifer Marks typically sparred with him sympathetically. But not tonight. Watching his eyes light up as he spoke of a new photo with with his mother killed her a little inside. She couldn't lie to him anymore. Not tonight. No more lies.

Instead she kept quiet and began to tear up, eye contact firmly planted on the road. She didn't have to utter a single word. One glance and James knew. He knew all too well.

He began to weep uncontrollably as a flurry of memories hit James like a rocket.

Memories of the day they were taken.

Memories he could not handle.

---

CHAPTER FOUR

SOME TIME EARLIER...

Oh Hey There!

Look who came crawling back. (Kidding!) Welcome back to my life. Let’s see, I’ll get you caught up on everything you've missed. First of all, my name is James Evan Pate, & I wish I had a full wineglass.

Where am I currently?

Minnesota, USA

Well, currently I'm walking a lonely Minnesota Lakeside Road en route to Canada. Yes, you heard me right; Canada. Listen, I heard they're nicer up there and I've been through a thing or two. Met some people who did me downright dirty, and I want to give the Canadians a shot! Why not?! Ya know? It's better than standing around accepting disrespect.

How did I get here you might ask? Let's look back at where things went wrong. What could ever go wrong in a small Southern town?

Hmm.

Okay, in all fairness it's not all of their fault. We've never quite seen eye-to-eye on much, and I've had a chip on my shoulder for a while now. At 33, I've yet to find an adequate place for me in this world.

Instead, I seem to be finding the worst things the world has to offer.

At this point, I'm kind of over it. Leaving America and starting fresh in Canada makes sense. You know what they say, the ‘Canadian Dream’ is the ‘New American Dream.’ All things considered.

Nothing's really wrong per se.

I'm just alive.

That's it really.

Listen, the more I think about what went wrong back home, the more upset I get. I'd rather not get into it right now but, all I can say is.. it wasn't always like this.

My mother and father shared a lovely old-fashioned relationship that resulted in many blessings, such as myself (Joke, I’m pretty sure I'm a curse). But times are a changin’, and the digital world is rising to claim it's throne atop the hierarchy of relevancy. But believe me, yesteryear sure is fighting to keep things the way they once were.

My mother, Mercy Bennett and my father, Harold Pate, met in a different time. A time when drive-in theaters were standard. Ice Cream parlors were the cornerstone of the Old-Fashioned Community Social Scene.

My father Harold was a Senior, and my mother Mercy was a Junior. Sunday Mornings were spent at church proper, while Sunday Evenings were reserved for family and friend socializing. It was a different time, devoid of the complexities the digital age brought upon us. At least that's what my grandfather always rambled on about.

It was a bit churlish, their first meeting. My mother always did hate telling the tale. They first met when my father made an ill-timed joke during Youth Group and she took quite the offence. The irony of the entire situation? He only said the joke to catch her eye. Instead, he achieved the opposite. Instead, she walked away rolling her eyes. He’d had his eye on my mother for quite some time, just didn't know how to make the first move.

I've been told my father was a rambunctious fellow with quite the audacious personality, he was known for telling the best jokes and the slickest looks.

The overly confident type, but when it came to my mother; all of his inhibitions went out the window and he was left defenseless.

She was soft-spoken, beautiful, and he admired her Sunday School Teaching Skills. And grandfather taught my father one big thing about women, a good Christian woman was hard to find. A true gem. And my mother was just that, a good Christian woman with looks that could kill.

The next few weeks were spent in a game of cat and mouse of the most ridiculous. He tried to sneak his way into her circle, while she always found a reason to stay as far away as possible from him. He found it exhausting. But my father was not a quitter. He finally won her over during a church retreat, during which he chose to buy her basket in a Date Raffle. The rest was history, he apologized and explained himself, she swooned and fell head over heals for him.

There's no denying it, my father Harold was a Rebel. But lucky for him, his redeeming qualities far surpassed his shortcomings. Yes he was easy on the eyes, but it was his love for the Lord that really won Grandma Bennett over. She too, had a significant say in my mother’s love life; she was quite involved in nearly every facet of her life. Well, at least that’s how my mother tells it, she wasn't particularly thrilled about it.

Everything worked like clockwork back then, everything was in sync. Churches were a pinnacle of communities and had an awful lot of say in how they ran. Back then, nobody had a problem with it. The culture was stagnant (In a good way.), and though many world developments such as world wars rocked the nation; our faith kept us all moving forward in unison. At least that's what my father always used to say.

“THIS COUNTRY WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT GOD!” He always pronounced boldly during arguments with our drunk uncle Jerry. Nonetheless, their bickering made for great Sunday Evening Entertainment.

Old Uncle Jerry was something else entirely. I don't remember much about the man; all I remember is that he was always drunk. Low-key jealous right now, I would love to be drunk.

Have you ever traveled to another country in search of a better life? Fifty bucks to your name? No? Okay. Well neither have I. Yes, I’m rather nervous.

As a young and naive child, I always thought it was his faith that blessed us as a family. But now I realize the truth, it was his connections throughout the community and church circles that brought us much of our blessings. Well, his family money sure didn't hurt either.

I'm sad to announce that we don't share the same crazy faith that upheld my family all of those years. The world has been cruel to me, I've never had a place to call home; and people come and go like clockwork.

Never quite did understand what a best friend is.. Someone you trust with your entire being? That's going to be a hard pass. Trusting people in this world is a big No-No for me. Again, I'd rather not get into it right this very instant. But believe me you, trust no one. It’s the best way to stay safe, and prevent heartbreak.. And well.. Many ailments of the heart.

My mother’s mental health was her downfall, and so it only seems fitting that it would be mine as well. Am I mental for hiking my happy ass to Canada? Well, it depends on who you ask. Personally, I believe I was mental for putting up with the abuse that I did for as long as I did. Sure, some might question my sound judgement; but doesn't it ring true that all of the best things in life require a certain amount of risk? Isn't it true the most beautiful peaks take some climbing? Right.

This is how I see it. Would I rather be back home hating my life? Dead end jobs everywhere? No opportunities simply because they don't approve of my lifestyle? Or would I be better off walking my happy ass to Canada to try something else? Right. I'm taking option two.

The sun is setting and you should see the sights out here. It’s a drop dead gorgeous view. I've been walking for about fifty or so miles. I'm not too far from the Canadian Border and all I’m saying is this. I'm ready for a new beginning. A new opportunity.

I'm ready to trust people again, ready to smile, ready to have the will to live.

And yet.. There's a nagging feeling inside of me. Something.. Telling me to go back. Home.

Am I running away from my problems? You bet your lucky stars I am. Is the grass really greener? There's forty-nine other states, am I exaggerating my resolve? Could I have worked things out back home? Or maybe another state?

Oh?

Why do I keep avoiding what happened back home?

Truth is… I'm afraid if I tell you the truth you might find out my dirty little secret.

While I was definitely done dirty by a few forgettable characters. The ugly truth is… Most of my problems have been Ninety-Seven Percent preventable...

And even worse?

My own damn fault.

---

CHAPTER FIVE

“I’d like to thank you for coming back in. After the other day, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see you again.” Said Dr. Skelly with an awkward smile.

”Heh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Tevin said, matching the awkwardness in the room.

”So let’s take a moment to deescalate the situation here. It’s time for the truth.. It seems the authorities.. are considering switching this to a murder investigation,” she said with a straight face. “Before we talk about anything else. I need to know. Do you know of anyone who might have wanted to hurt your brother? Anyone who may have had an ill will toward him? Anyone? I know he had a love interest in the new town he had moved to? Do you know anything about that?”

Tevin pressed her lips. She knew exactly who she was talking about. But she couldn’t say a word, not now. She sat there wide-eyed, staring at Dr. Skelly incredulously. "No.. I don't think that's possible. They told us.. it can't..." Tevin stammered.

"What do you mean?" Asked Dr. Skelly. For the first time since Tevin had found the letter, she chose to share it. She reached into her small purse and handed Dr. Skelly the letter.

"I found it a few days ago. I didn't share it with anyone because it was left in my personal belongings, and I didn't think it would help any at all. But now... I don't want anyone to get in trouble for something James did himself. As sad as it is, no need to ruin anyone else's life. I know someone got him to move up there and then cut him off. But, that was ages ago. That person is of no importance. The letter should prove it."

Dr. Skelly took a few moments to skim over the letter. She then picked up her phone and dialed someone, "Yes, I'd like to speak with Officer Draxel please." She raised her finger at Tevin gesturing at her to hold on. "Yes, Detective Draxel. When you get the time, if you could please drop by my office. It looks like James left a letter for his sister, she just shared it with me." She smiled at Tevin as she continued the conversation.

"Mmhmm. Yes. Hmm. I see." She continued as if she were chit chatting with an old friend. She then looked at Tevin with sheer surprise, "Oh? I see. Well, that is quite the development. I will let her know. Thank you for letting me know."

"Is everything okay?" Tevin asked nervously.

"Umm. Well, he said he would drop by to take a look at the letter. But, it seems they've already apprehended your brother's killer."

"What?! That's impossible. He tried to kill himself four times. How could that even.. how does that even make sense? Plus, he left a letter."

"I'm not sure.. I'm just as surprised as you are. Tell me. Are you familiar with the name Daemon Goddard?"

Tevin instantly changed her entire tune. "Eh. I mean, I don’t know him too well. But I know James wasn’t a fan, at least not for long.. Now that you mention it. He did say something about him threatening him in passing. But since he moved away, I didn’t think anything of it. I figured he was harmless. I’m not too sure what happened in that town, but.. James wasn’t the same after he left. He was just.. it was like it sucked the life out of him."

Dr. Skelly shook her head at Tevin in sympathy. "They found five knives in Daemon’s trunk, doused in blood.”

"But still, that's not possible... James didn't want to be alive.”

"Your brother's blood was on one of the knives,” said Dr. Skelly with a serious face.

Tevin suddenly grew silent. The person she thought harmless, wasn't so innocent after all.

-

Its James again! Hi! Alright, back on the trail.

You know, it's funny. Walking these roads less traveled. Most cars swerve out of the way, while some (probably those on their phones) barely miss me. Is it bad that I'm not all that worried about it?

A Minnesota state trooper stopped me a while back, asked me to please be careful and stay behind the white line on the right side of the road. Truth is, I was, but it wouldn't make much of a difference if someone swerved while distracted.

Don't worry.

Don't worry.

It's all fine, no need to worry.

I keep passing all of these families happily entering the State Parks as I walk by. I'm tempted to visit myself, but I must keep my mind on the prize. Canada is not that far.

Had a friend who left the United States because she didn’t much agree with the direction this country was going in… and now I was doing the same. No big deal. But yeah, it’s a terrifying proposition… starting over somewhere new… but that’s life.

It's funny. One is typically born into a specific Caste Level in society (Whether spoken or unspoken). And with some luck, those born in the lower echelons can change their standing through a well-matched marriage or extensive education.

That's how it's supposed to work. Discrimination was supposed to be a thing of the past (Or so school taught me), but caste systems will likely always exist. Whether we build them purposely or not, unspoken caste systems will end up existing one way or another. As they have since... Forever. It's human nature.

You can rest assured that change is happening though.

Times are definitely changing. A HUGE driving factor in caste change is now in the palm of your hands; your phone (Believe it or not).

Allow me to explain, those with the technological chops to adapt to new technologies quicker.. will likely be more versatile and adaptable for new and emerging job opportunities. In fact, it could affect every single facet of their lives.

For example, this crazy trek of mine. Do you think I left home without a plan? Of course not. I brought along an Android, an iPhone, three 10,000mAh Backup Batteries, $50 Cash, and a Hiking backpack. This wouldn't be possible without my technology. Gotta have that juice, all I'm saying.

Anywho, back to the point. Got stuck in the weeds there for a moment.

Here's the deal, when it comes to technology;

The more you learn, the more you can earn.

The more you discern, the less concern.

It's a digital hierarchy of sorts that only those with the adequate technological prowess will be able to succeed in. It is.. for lack of a better word, the future.

I remember reading an article online a while back that stated the obvious; big time employers consider the watch you're wearing, the phone you use, how you use it, they take EVERYTHING into consideration when hiring.

If I remember correctly from my schooling, training a new hire costs a company a little over a grand, even more depending on the complexity of the trade or position. Good workers are hard to come by. Especially those well versed in the future..

And with everything going on around us in this hectic world. Caste system or not, we seriously need any advantage we can get. Fail to take advantage of said skills and you might end up dead broke, hitchhiking your way to Canada.

Seriously, it even cracks me up.

Somewhere along this path I realized the cold hard truth of life. I would have to be just as ugly and heartless to others as those who betrayed me to survive in this world.

But that's not who I want to be. I never want to be like them. So I won't, maybe they're nicer in Canada.

Hopefully.

I still get flashbacks from the past from time to time. As much as I try to avoid it, it left me traumatized.

I forget,

and then it slaps me in the face going 100mph.

The memories ( ((echoed)) ) in my mind.

( (( )) )

“BOY. I'll throw you on this floor and pin you with my foot. Do you know who the fck I am? Have you ever talked to God?" The stranger heckled.

( (( )) )

Was it Racism?

I thought people were cool beans with Hispanics. Small towns are weird.

They always warn you not to trust strangers.. I just don't listen. (I should have.)

The flashbacks just kept coming back. Each one angering me even more. But I knew I was in the wrong. Turn the other cheek my pastor would have said, but I did that! Now I’ve got two bloody cheeks (Hypothetically speaking) and walking away was the best option for me. Truth be told, anger doesn’t do us any favor.

So believe me you, I’m doing my best to stay grounded and level headed. Allowing anger to consume you… is not wise; not even in the slightest.

( (( )) )

He grabbed the book from my hands and slammed me with it. He then threw it across the room and spit in my face.

( (( )) )

Looking back. I should have listened to my gut, moving there was a bad idea. Never trust strangers. No matter how nice they are.

( (( )) )

"Oh. I chose to live here because there's only a 1% Hispanic population here, I wanted to help change that," I said with a warm smile.

“Yeah, and we like to keep it that way," he replied coldly. Damn.

( (( )) )

In hindsight, I should start listening to red flags going forward.

No matter how hard I tried to shake it. The thoughts kept flipping back on like a light switch, throwing me for a loop all over again. Maybe it was my mind reminding me why I was leaving this place. Maybe I was trying to remind myself to never look back.

I just wanted it all to end. I wish I never would have trusted the wrong people. It can cost you your life. And sanity.

( (( )) )

I ran and ran, Further and further into the woods. Tears in my eyes. Screaming internally. I wanted to wail. But no help was coming, it wouldn't matter. Cops in these small towns were dirty or paid off. Justice didn't exist for guys like me.

Just didn't.

Have to keep running, I told myself.

Have to keep running.

CAN’T.

STOP.

( (( )) )

I'm sorry you're having to go through this with me. I hate that it even happened.

Hearing me ramble on about things I can't change must be quite the annoyance.

But… I CAN CHANGE IT! And talking it out is what my therapist said would heal me. So I'm sorry you're having to play the role of therapist.

Just how the cookie crumbles sometimes. Anywho, let's keep this walking streak going. It's been two days of no sleep. But we're almost to Canada. Almost to a safer place.

Gotta keep the dark thoughts at bay.

Gotta keep the dark thoughts at bay.

Gotta keep the dark thoughts at bay.

Ready to regain the will to live.

---

CHAPTER SIX

The neighborhood cats watched from their shrines; perched atop wooden fences, laying leisurely on window sills, watching every single detail. Roosters crowing, dogs barking at the wind, just another Sunday Morning.

Death was right around the corner. I could feel it. It’s totally fine though, I was the one calling. But death kept sending me to voicemail. But I'm no The road to Canada was treacherous and mountainous, but then again… the real plan didn’t involve reaching Canada. Sorry to say. Everything was going according to plan.

Just between you and me, I had a secret. One I would rather die than reveal. Disappointing my friends and family… I just couldn't handle it. This, sadly, was the alternative.

———

Downtown Los Angeles, California, USA

The Beyond

Bit weird innit.. this life and all. One minute you’re walking a trail to nowhere. Another minute you’re in heaven having a heart-to-heart with God. Life wild. My name is James Pate, Welcome to my Ted Talk.

Take now for example. I just woke up, raggedy tattered clothes on. I shuttered, appalled at the dirty man beside me. A little sickening, poor man had his drawers out and everything. He seemed to be lying on a pool of his own vomit.

Thank God I was here alone. (I spoke too soon) The sketchy man sleeping next to me covered in dirt turned out to be Marty. One moment you're talking with God, the next moment you’re homeless in front of a metro station in Downtown Los Angeles. I've been here before, but not like this. Nothing like this.

Checked my pockets, not a cent to my name (Nothing new). The sun is about to rise. To recap everything, I spoke to God a bit ago. When all of a sudden everything faded to black and I woke up here. Fun stuff. Now the almighty seems to want to show me a lesson and I'm stuck with baggage; a homeless man named Marty.

There’s a beautiful sky-rise glass building in front of me, enchanting slanted entrance made of twisted glass and steel. We sure do know how to build iconic signature pieces. I was warned something would be different about the beyond. This place… everyone is here. The hustle and bustle of the city, I can see it all. But.. they.. them… everyone around me.

Everything is not as it seems. But before making assumptions, I need to test my theory. I see stars as I get up, my consciousness adjusting to this Avatar body.

Even my voice crackles a bit as I speak for the first time, “Umm, excuse me ma’am. Excuse me sir.” I say in a timid voice.

No one bats an eye.

They must not have heard me. “Umm. Excuse me. Do you…” I say in a slightly raised voice. Not even a head turn. Mean mug. Side-eye, absolutely nothing.

Hmm.

So I chose to take a slightly more aggressive approach. Besides, all I want to know is the time. Tik Tok and all. But no one would bite. The big city can be a cold mistress, but not this cold.

“Hey there!” I said with a huge grin as I stood directly in front of someone to force a reaction. What happened next didn't surprise me, not in the slightest bit.

I knew there was a catch.

And boy was it a big one. The man just stared at me, lowered his head, and walked around me. They saw me, they just didn't care. Or maybe... They couldn't care. I'm not really sure. All I know is.. I didn't like it.

"What the..." Said a small voice behind me.

"You're up!" I quickly interrupted Marty, preventing him for uttering that curse word.

Worlds like this, add very sensitive to the smallest of details I've learned. So, one can only imagine what cursing would do. But since this was a Godsent world, it couldn't be good.

"Yeah.. I'm up." He stared at me in a face that I can only describe as a mixture of disbelief, shock, and genuinely confusion. He quickly got up, I could tell what he was about to do.

“Bolting didn't work out very well for you last time did it?" I said with a smirk as I shook my head. Mentioning that didn't help. He stared at me, terrified. Like I'd just kicked his puppy or something. Instead of bolting, he did something worse. His eyes teared up. He saw his tattered clothing, as he laid in vomit, and he began to cry. An ugly cry at that. Boogers, everything, the whole nine yards.

"Hey. Hey. No. It's okay. We're okay. You're okay buddy. It's okay.." I knelt down beside him and tried to give him a hug. He relented and pulled away.

"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP!" "Marty.." "WTF. HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" "Do you not remember... The trial?" He stared at me contemplatively for a moment. "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT." He said as he shook his head. "That was.. that was.. that was just a dream. That wasn't real."

"Ehhh." I stared at him incredulously. "Umm. Nope. That was real. I've never seen someone take the Golden throne straight to the face. Literally. I am curious. What the hell did you do? Like? Why did you run?"

"I won't be spoken to this way. Shut up before I report you to the psych ward. You're insane. I'm.. that was a dream. it wasn't real." "This isn't the real world silly. Did you not just see what happened? People won't even acknowledge us here. Like, you dolt. I swear..."

"Listen dude. Idk what little drag me to hell prank you're pulling on me. But I don't have time for this. I need to get home."

"Yeah. No shit. So do I.. but this world isn't home. This is.. someplace else. Home isn't here."

"You sound just like the Christians back home. This is home. Shut up. Last night was a dream! Stop reminding me!" He was paranoid. Damn.

The trial must have proven traumatizing for him.. I needed a different approach. Surely telling him the whole story would prove ill advised and irrelevant, he wouldn't believe me. So I decided to play along instead.

"Okay. Okay. STOP OVERTHINKING." I did my best to say it as kindly as possible. "I'm here to help you. And you're here to help me. That's how this works. This place, was made for us... So we could help each other find our way... Home. And we just got here. Does that make sense?”

I waited for some sort of agreement. I got a slight confused nod, I’ll take it. So I continued.

“We're going to be okay alright. Freaking out is not going to help our situation.. so let's think. We're persona non grata here, how do we get help. How do we find.. the way home?"

The funny thing about life? Just when you think you’ve figured it out. Your throne a curve ball that you have no idea how to counter. No curve, twist, or sidewinder move can prevent the shock.

Sometimes, you just have to stare in amazement. Never in our lives did Marty and I expect what came next. There was no way we could have. It bordered on the straight up ridiculous. To this day, I’m completely flummoxed.

How God could… that man is WILD! I’m telling you! Never doubt God! The voices rounded the corner in unison. Hundreds of voices in unison.

( ((Ad fines terræ fugere debes.)) )

( ((Ad fines terræ fugere debes.)) )

( ((Ad fines terræ fugere debes.)) )

( ((Di te salvent solent.)) )

( (( Di te salvent solent. )) )

( (( Di te salvent solent.)) )

The voices echoed through the sky-rise buildings. Marty and I exchanged confused glances. What happened next was even creepier. The regular inhabitants of DTLA flipped a switch.

They stopped dead in their tracks and stared at us. They also began to chant those same strange words in a language unknown.

( ((. . .)) )

( ((. . .)) )

( ((. . .)) )

( ((. . .)) )

( ((. . .)) )

( ((. . .)) )

And rounding the corner came thousands of hooded figures wearing dark brown hooded robes. They too chanted the creepy words. In the center, four or five of them carried a large chair.

The closer they got the clearer the man’s features became. The chair was made of sparkling gold, padded with a fine purple svelte cushion. The man was thin framed, wearing an all black suit with white undershirt. Tie and everything. My heart sank in horror the closer they got.

Amidst the repeated chanting, over and over again. I was terrified when his face came into closer view.. well, the lack thereof. The man… his face was nothing but a large round ball of black fire. The flames reaching a feet or two above his countenance.

“OHMYGOD IT’S SATAN.” I whispered to Marty. “Now do you believe me? Still want this to be your home?”

Marty stared wide eyed at the large group of hooded figures approaching. He looked at me and shook his head. “You gotta admit though, Satan looks cool as balls though.”

As the large swath of hooded figures approached us, they stopped a few feet away, they then lowered the creature’s chair as he slowly stepped onto the ground and tipped his head at us. “The name is Mephistopheles, get it right,” he said in a friendly tone. “Welcome, to the land Cherith.”

———

Arkansas, USA Arkansas

And so the past was an hourglass. And it stung like shattered glass. Every morning was the same.

5AM - 4 Mile Walk

7AM - Head to College

NOON - Head back Home

2PM - Gym Time

5PM - Homework

7PM - Bedtime

But today was not a regular day, and Tevin was not feeling herself. In the midst of the troubles, she chose to fall into a dark place. She alienated all of her friends. She began to take longer walks alone. She alienated her doctors.

She stopped going to Counseling. And she even stopped showering. For all intents and purposes, things weren’t looking all that well for our dear Tevin. But it was her next move that would truly concern her parents, who were finally back in town.

What they found in her room was quickly confiscated, they weren’t taking any chances this time around. It seems, in her anguish. Tevin had purchased, two packs of one-hundred count sleeping pills.

---

CHAPTER SEVEN

MINNESOTA

20 Miles from Canada.

I’ve spent nearly three days walking these lonely Minnesota roads. My palms are sweaty, knees are beginning to buckle, my shoes are coming undone; soles hinging for dear life.

I’ve been talking to thin air for quite some time now. I’d at least like to thank the bears for keeping their distance.

Part of me wonders if they’ve been watching this entire time. And if they have been… What would that look like? I’d imagine it would go a little like this…

“Do you see this crazy ass white man?” I imagine one bear says to another as they watch me with curiosity, camouflaged in effervescent shrubbery.

“Yeahs. Did you just get here? We’ve been watching this trainwreck for hours now.” The other bear says as he points to a group of three other bears behind him. “Walnut?” He offers as he chews on his snack earnestly.

“Wait. This is easy dinner. Why haven’t we pounced yet? We can split him five ways. I call dibs on the calves!” One proclaims to the others.

Slight Pause

“It’s too easy,” says one of the female bears.

“It feels wrong,” says another. “He’s obviously heartbroken. Broken on every level imaginable honestly. We just.. we don’t have the heart to do it.”

One of the elder male bears chimes in as well. “This man is not crazy. This is a man saying his goodbyes to the howling wind, his scowls are proof of something much more sinister. He does not have much time left on this earth.” Says the bear in a sage and wise voice. “We need not lift a finger. Dinner will likely serve itself. He’s alluded to as much several times now.”

One of the uncouth younger bears replies. “So for now, we’re gonna enjoy the show. Besides, we’re all kind of into it. I don’t know who half of these people are. But all I know is I’m taking Paula OUT if she ever steps foot into these woods. Jessica is getting the side eye, and Bob… don’t even get me started with Bob. They have put this man THROUGH IT.” The bears then burst into laughter.

Could you imagine? Ha! The bears probably even feel sorry for me. Drawing up all kinds of crazy conclusions as to why I’m howling at the moon (Hypothetically speaking of course).

My legs are growing weary, I’m less than twenty-five miles away from Canada; which means.. it’s almost time. Sigh.

Reverberating flashbacks from my childhood keep storming my mind. Truth is, there’s not much I can remember. At least not anything substantial. My mother was frail and kind, and my father was stern and a man of his word. My mother always got her point across by hand when it came to her children (Trust, I’ll never forget that). All in all, I feel I was blessed with an amazing childhood. Sometimes I wonder how my life would have panned out had my father not passed away.

The aching thought on the back of my mind. Grandfather always told me those who committed suicide would end up in hell for eternity. That was a risk I was willing to take, I had a bone to pick with God; and this was the fastest way I knew to meet him in person. Though I will say, do not do as I do. My life seems to have reached a point of no return, one where it truly is impossible for me to rebuild. I couldn’t find a good route forward, so I made one.

Now this is something completely experimental. Yet something I feel like I have completely no recourse but to attempt. Lest I be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life, being a burden to those around me by default (I don’t want to live that way). So I’m taking up my complaints up with the big guy in charge. I’ve always been the type to reach out to the FCC, BBB, even the Attorney General when I feel wronged; and this time, I’m just going straight to the Golden Throne. But I digress, do not do as I do; I’m crazy. Then again, if I wasn’t this probably wouldn’t work.

I’ve been a good Christian.I’ve been a bad Christian.I’ve been a lukewarm Christian.

You name it, and I’ve probably experienced it when it comes to good old God. Though no matter how hard I tried, it always felt like others were much better followers of Christ than I was. Well, to be honest, they probably were.

When I was younger, I thought that many were granted a silver platter in life. Only to live life carefree without a worry in the world, but oh boy was I wrong. No matter what lot you’ve been granted in this life, there’s always going to be something. One way or another, one thing or another that hinders you. An obstacle that seems impassable that you must overcome in order to excel. Rich or poor, Black or white, doesn’t matter; there’s always something.

Still remember when they told me my mom was in rehab, I believed them because she really did have quite the drinking problem. My father used to get onto her for drinking, but my mom always found a way to get him to back off. My poor father, my mother was his kryptoniite. The woman could do no wrong.

I think that’s how love is supposed to be. Being with someone whose love will always rebound, no matter what highs and lows. My father treated my mother like a queen, had I ever found someone I always planned to do the same. Find you someone who you can trust with your life, like my father. That man was a saint, my mother lucked out.

I think I knew, the day they took me away. When they told me she had been sent to rehab, I think I knew she was gone. Can’t really explain it. But there was this feeling in the pit of my stomach. That day Mrs. Marks teared up when I asked to visit my mother, I was so excited to see her again. Hopeful, I think that was the first time I learned the cold sobering truth about the world; this is a cold and lonely world.

Few things in this life are certain. Yet even in the midst of all the uncertainty; some things are undeniable. We are all born from our mother's womb, and we must all return to the dust from which we came.

Life is full of mystery and intrigue. Adventure at every turn. Disappointment and curve balls aplenty.

Unfortunately, the pressure is too much. Just when I think there's hope, the world goes out of its way to show me just how cruel it truly is. Some things... Are better left unsaid. But it doesn't mean their impact hurts 🤕 any less.

Apologies for the melodramatics. But this is the end of the line for our adventure. I've reached a nice small clearing beside a lovely creek, reserved enough for me to take the plunge and enact Plan Z. And no, it's not for the faint of heart.

So, pardon me as I shuffle my timbers. Take a few steps into the void, take my medicine, and lay me down to sleep. No need to feel concern or pity, I'm fully aware of what I'm doing.

I'll be in a better place once its all said and done. Now, let me make my peace with my creator. No better way to sink into an eternal slumber than through prayer. Just true.

Can't help but tear up a bit..

You know what I wonder the most? What I'm most excited about? Seeing my mom again, taking that picture I wanted when I was a kid. You think they have cameras in heaven? I wonder if she's happy? Will we be happy up there?

I hope we are… I'm just… Ready.

Sniffle Tear Sniffle

Dear God,

Forgive me for what I'm doing right now. Please take me to a better place. Someplace I can trust people again. Someplace I can smile again. Someplace where I have no more enemies. Please Lord, get me away from these people and forgive me for my sins. I love you. I hope to see you soon.

And God, thank you for everything. Really.

Amen.

For the rest of you... It was nice knowing you. This is the end of the line for all of us. Don't forget me. Avvveeennngggeeee Mmmeeee. Lol. Just Kidding.

I'll say hello from beyond if I can. Just, remember, be happy for me. I’m going to a much better place. I’ve suffered too much here… I’ll be with my mom. It’ll…

It’ll all be okay… He said as he dozed off into an eternal slumber. Finally resting his eyes, ending his pain.

The ambulance found him five hours after he laid down to rest. They tried chest compressions, anything and everything they could to bring him back. He had a faint pulse they hoped they could strengthen.

So they turned on their Emergency lights, sped to the hospital. But sadly, it was not to be. Halfway into the trip, James Evan Pate flat lined.

The skies were lined with silver specs. The streets were made of gold. All pronounced and brought about by angels in the mold. A sea of silver and bronze brought it all together. Overall, it was a pretty swanky place.

Especially the beautiful clearing where their new arrival found himself. The latest addition to the saints, the Miracles Forest had never shined brighter. James Evan Pate, was finally home. And Brisby Sherman was speeding on his roller blades, ready to greet him into life everlasting.

---

CHAPTER EIGHT

God wasn't playing around when he said the ‘Beyond’ would be different. Honest? I would have preferred the black void I visited earlier; today, yesterday, tomorrow, whenever or wherever it is that I am. Time doesn't seem to work the same up here (Or down here? 😳) as on Earth. This was unlike anything beyond my wildest expectations. A Whole New World. I don't even know what to say at this point. Time seems to have stopped entirely at this point. I'm thirty, I'm forty, I'm every age under the sun. Even complaining would be ill advised, I've already gone up the chain of command. Quite literally to the very top. I wonder if God is rolling his eyes at me right now, I would be if I was him. So let’s see. To sum things up; I was offered my spot in heaven but I declined it. Going back to Earth has been my choice multiple times now. All for someone I don't know, who doesn't like me, and actually hurts others for a living (By default mind you). And every time I try to enter heaven, I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of regret I cannot handle. A feeling telling me to go back. An all-encompassing emotion I can't shake that infiltrates my very core. The thought of them suffering without me, knowing full well I have the power to save them. Well, God has the power, I'm merely a vessel with ridiculously fine tuned persuassion skills. There's flames here. Nothing but flames. None to them touching me. They're far, but ever so close. Though no heat emits from the flames, my mind still associates the red and orangish hues with danger. Though for all intents and purposes, I feel safe. Must be a gift; this peace. That dude upstairs ain't all that bad. I stand in the center of a ginormous tornado, the flames circling us in. Marty is passed out beside me. There is barely any wind and the massive fire whirlwind seems to tower hundreds of feet above me. We stand in the eye of the tornado, amidst the thick of it all. The flames aren't violently thrashing like they would normally. Instead, the flames seem to be gently circling us about. Rather calmly in all honesty, it's a wondrous sight. Instead of fighting it, I laid down and relaxed for a second beside a passed out Marty. Take in the sights for a brisk moment. Round and round. Surrounded by the fire, safe and sound. Not a pitch, scream or sitch about nearby nor in the distance, all there is... Is peace. Though once Marty wakes up, I'm sure that will change. I'm still not sure why I'm heading back down there to save this dude. But, God must know what he's doing. He put this in my heart for a reason. The floor is made of a powdery brown gravel, rocks of varied sizes spread throughout. God told me to beware of this place. But I don't see anything to be worried about, so I'm quite confused. Surely, he knows what he's talking about. I'm sure I'll learn soon enough, in the meantime I suppose I'll enjoy the view. There's nothing but dust and cold hard gravel here. Actually quite a bit of dust, it's a little odd. "From dust they were made and to dust they were returned," said a deep scowling low voice. A massive gust of wind hit me with a sidewinder blow that nearly knocked my glasses off. The gust of wind was followed by the most fowl of odors; sulfur. The brown dust all around me, was the dust of the dead. My eyes widened in befuddlement. But.. if the dust was the deceased.. then.. "A hardened rock for every stone heart they did possess," said the voice, cackling this time around. The gust of wind only grew faster. The fowl stench grew stronger. The walls of flame began to close in on me. And I finally began to feel the heat. The yellow and orange hues began to grow a deeper and deeper red. The rocks all around me... We're the hearts of the dead. The voice was so strange, yet mesmerizing. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. My neck hairs stood up in fear or perplexion, not quite sure which. God was right. The earlier void was better. "Dear God, what is this?" I said aloud, afraid to say the wrong thing. And in an instant. The very instant the name of God was said aloud, the voice ceased, the smell dissipated, and the whirlwind flames began to recede. The vicinity began to cool. Help was on the way. 'Take a deep breath. You landed a decent punch. My name will keep her at bay for a few moments, you did the right thing. Now breath. Close your eyes. And Pray. When you open them again, look at the flames more closely. Care about them. Let them burn to your very soul. Only then will you see what I intend for you to see. What you NEED to see, to survive.' Said a serene voice in my mind. God. Instructions.. Perfect. Okay. So Deep breath. Eyes Closed. And prayer. Then open eyes again, and then look at the flames and let them burn deep inside. Sounds dangerous, but God must know what's up. Wait. Was that God or was that a demon? You know what they say, testing the spirits.. Oh well, it's all I've got right now. Imma trust it's him.

'It's me you idiot.' Ah. Yes. God okay. Okay. Closing eyes. I feel like a toddler repeating these instructions to myself like an idiot. 'Stop talking so much and get to the point. Say less. Don't get stuck in the weeds.' Even God is fed up with me. Ha. My eyes remained closed as I said a quick prayer. Then ever so slowly, I opened my eyes again and took a deep calculated glance at the firenado surrounding me. I focused on the details, and sure enough. Something was being carried by the fair. I couldn't quite put my finger on what they were. I took off my glasses and tried squinting. Don't ya know it, the second my glasses were off my entire vision changed. The fire became a roaring creation, swirling with frames of all shapes and sizes; millions of them. I got up to investigate a bit closer. And the only thing I could make out was this.. each frame had a picture of... Me in it. I walked a bit closer, until it all slowly started to make sense. Every Risk. Every Regret. Every Interaction. Every Single Decision. Framed for my convenience. Don't ever let anyone tell you life doesn't matter. Or that your choices, even the smallest ones don't matter. The way we treat others. What we do, what we don't do. EVERYTHING & EVERYONE MATTERS.

---

CHAPTER NINE

BEFORE JUDGEMENT

Alright, I think we’ve had the spotlight on James for quite enough. Now, before any of you can make any swift judgements about my character.. Allow me to plead my case. There’s this experiment I was taught in College Psychology; one where a monkey was taken from his mother, then given a cold steel structure as a replacement. I don’t mean to alarm you. But for all intents and purposes, I am that monkey. I came from an affluent family, we lacked for nothing. Sure we were well off, but we were mean. Oh boy were we mean.

The bit where I fled from God, only to run straight in to the Golden Throne… That wasn’t fair! I ran AWAY from it! How was I supposed to know he could flip my direction like that! I’ll admit, it wasn’t my brightest moment. Jury is still out on whether that was real or not. Don’t judge me, all I’m saying is.. I’ve had wild dreams before. But before the court of public opinion excoriates me, let me take a moment to tell you my side of the story. So let’s go back.. All the way back to 1985.

Born on February 14, 1985, 12:01AM at the local Children’s Hospital. Born to Samuel and Velma Stillson, good people. Well, good enough. Now, I must explain myself before I begin my story. I am a person who appreciates facts. I don’t believe sugarcoating things helps anyone, I do believe it is much more beneficial for everyone involved if we would simply say the truth flat out. I personally feel it avoids many difficult and uncomfortable situations. Not everyone agrees with me, but that’s just how I see it. So, please forgive me as I tell you about my parents the way they were; not the way they would want me to describe them. Plus what do I have to worry about? They’re alive and I’m dead. My parents actually outlived me, which is pretty hilarious if you think about it.

Samuel Stillson was a cold man. And I mean frigid cold. I was never hugged. I was never doted on. No "Congratulations Son! You did a great job!" Always "I've seen better." Or "Johnny next door did twice as good as that."

Nothing was ever good enough. Nothing. My mother wasn't much better. They were sweet in public, we put on a great show.. but when it came to our private life; let's just say I wouldn't shed a tear at their funeral. Nothing was ever good enough.

Okay. Okay. You might think I'm a total prick now. But you must understand, I was raised by bonafide pricks. We are what were raised by.

Shrugs

Though I will say, there is one thing my family and I all agree on (For once). Maria Esperanza Flores was a fine addition to the Stillson family. No question about it. Which is why when it came time to celebrate our nuptials, they spared no expense.

The whole scene was rather abominable if you ask me. A vomit of white flowers everywhere. White carpets. Gold carpets. Silver carpets. A bit of an overkill if you ask me, but my family would accept no less for Maria.

We were getting married on a big field on my cousin’s farm. Everything had to be perfect. I didn’t have much say in a lot of it, it was mostly my mother who took over. Poor Maria was overwhelmed by everything, she wasn’t accustomed to such lavish ceremonies. I could tell she wanted to object to many of the decorations, but to keep the peace with my mother she politely nodded and agreed to pretty much everything.

There’s only one thing Maria was adamant about. She wanted a small fountain in the background, a small garden fountain. She said she wanted to hear the sound of peaceful water flowing as we said our ‘I do’s. But you know my mother.. She laughed at the idea of a small garden fountain in the background. No, she could do better. She ordered a massive 10x10 pond with a waterfall, and had it installed right next to the altar. That was the last time Maria suggested something.

“I don’t want to know how much money she spent on that do I?” She asked me sheepishly.

I simply widened my eyes at her and shook my head, she knew exactly what that meant. She was frugal by nature, coming from a modest family and all. What Maria saw as an unnecessary exorbitant expenditure, my mother saw as a much needed decor opportunity to ensure the perfect ambiance.

When I say nothing was spared, I truly mean it. Even I got got my hands a little dirty, taking the time to straighten flowers. Made sure that stream was running just right on the fountain. I made sure everything was PERFECT for my beautiful bride. There would be no ruining this day for her, she would get it all.

Everyone wants the perfect wedding, but nobody knows what it takes to have a perfect wedding. Aside from two willing participants (ideally), it takes a few friends from here, there, and everywhere.

The stage was set. I had my beautiful bride. I had my best friend. My family. My friends. My family spent a small fortune getting all of this together. The perfect wedding would lead to the perfect life with Maria Esperanza Flores, the girl of my dreams. Lord knows I deserved it. I’ve worked hard for all of this. My father taught me how to be a provider, stern and no-nonsense; someone who could be trusted. This would be the beginning of the rest of my life with one of the best people I’ve ever met; I was ready. To

Someone once said, “If it can be destroyed by the truth, it should be.” It’s the only phrase that comes to mind right now, for all the wrong reasons.

What I am about to share with you is going to paint me in a very negative light. But I need to you understand that I don’t know what to say.. Except the truth. If God is real, and.. well, let’s just say lying would do me no good right now. I messed up horribly and I ruined not only my life. I ruined my best friend’s life. I ruined my fiance’s life. And in the process of trying to fix it all; somehow I made the problem ten times worse and got heaven, earth, and hell involved. How? Don’t ask me, but I did it. I’m not excited to tell you this story, whatsoever. Just know that I’m different now. I am not the same person, think of me differently. Please? Sigh.

Anyway.. back to the immaculate wedding.

You know how sometimes you know somoene is perfect for you. The second you meet them you know they check all of the boxes and marks. You see their smile and then you just melt, they become your kryptonite. That’s exactly what happened when I saw Maria’s smile. Maria Esperanza Flores, sorry if I keep repeating the name. Now that.. Eh. Nevermind. Let me tell the story in order.

I wish I had this fancy story to tell you about how we met. A whirlwind romance, dates to all the finest of places. Which truthfully, that’s how most of my dates typically went down. I wasn’t a stranger to taking someone out to a nice restaurant or two, Longhorn Steakhouse was my favorite. Maria.. was different.

When I first met Maria she was going through quite a bit of family struggles. Something that wasn’t hard to overlook, I admired her strong independent personality and the love she had for her younger siblings. Her beauty kept me mesmerized from day one. There was something different about her family, I’d never been privy to the Latino way of life, but they were honest and hardworking people. They were good people. Some of the struggles they experienced were not on purpose, but simply due to a lack of education. So it was my pleasure to help them in any way I could. Eventually, I had her mother calling me for advice and her younger siblings relying on me for help. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. This was the type of family I wanted, everybody cared about each other. It was… nothing like my family.

Maria was adamant about refusing dates, she never wanted me to spend money on her. It’s funny, the wildest of dates were pizza nights or ramen noodle nights where we all watched whatever was playing on Amazon Prime that night. We trusted each other. We enjoyed each other’s company. And as time passed, we started to truly question how serious this was going to get. And personally, I’m not sure that I wanted a life without Maria in it anymore. I loved my life with her, she made me a better person.

My family doesn’t like people. Never. One of the downsides of being well-off, is people always trying to take advantage of your kindness or influence; one way or another. But Maria was none of that, she never asked me for a cent. I think that’s why my parents liked her so much, she was happy with what she had and didn’t ask for much; just love. If you ask me, that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

Boy did I really screw the pooch on this one. Maria was happy staying humble. Modest. And never complained much about her decent fast-food job; hey at least I always got Free Dairy Queen.

But I was raised by a businessman, a successfull businessman at that. Sure, we made a lot of money. But there are significant trade-offs to making the big bucks. I learned early on that I might not be lucky enough to experience much of what life had to offer. I was taught to remain reserved, trust very little, and was taught to accept that an arranged marriage from a well-off family was much more beneficial than marrying for love. Well Maria changed all of that. She showed me that love, real love, far surpassed everything out there. It was worth the risk. I was taught to be consistent with money, she was taught to be consistent with love; we covered each other’s deficiencies. We were perfect for each other.

I’m beyond nervous. Just took a look out in the crowd, and it looks like my eight exes actually accepted my invitation. My mother said it was the only prudent thing to do. She had no idea the bind she was putting me in. Each one of my exes was interested in my title, family, or what I could give them. So in all honesty, when I looked at them and I looked at Maria; I knew I was making the right choice. Maria seemed unbothered by it. That was another great thing about her, she wasn’t the jealous type. She always said, “God will get you if you cheat.” Made me chuckle a little, but I loved her positive thought process. Even the ex that smashed my car window showed up. She found out I was cheating on her and decided to take revenge into her own hands. She went straight psycho.. Who does that? When someone cheats on you. You break up, accept it, and move on. But not Tiffany.

My best man, James Pate, was acting a bit strange. We hadn’t spoken over a small disagreement we had five months ago. To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure if he was going to show up today. But we’ve known each other since high school and we’ve made it through worse. We’ve never gone 5 months without speaking though… However, his attendance today gave me hope that we might be able to salvage our relationship. I don’t care what anyone says, people in the foster care system are great people. He’s a loyal man, if he wasn’t he wouldn’t be here.

The tension in the room was insane. Something was definitely wrong. Maybe he hadn’t fully forgiven me. I didn’t know what to say, but I knew I had to say something. It’s my wedding day, and I’m afraid of my best man. This is not how I envisioned things.

“James.. got a second?” I whispered carefully.

“Yeah, of course. We’re here for you buddy. What’s up?” he whispered back.

“Listen. I know we had a moment a few weeks in ago. And I just want you to know that I think you were right, and I’m sorry.” I paused slightly to make sure I used the right words, James mattered to me. “I can’t promise I’m going to be perfect, but you’re right. Maria is special and I can’t lose her. I’m extremely lucky to have fouund her. And yeah, I’m lucky I didn’t get caught. I promise I plan to cut everyone else off. I just want you to know.. I love you like a brother and I’ve missed you man. Thank you for coming today.”

He looked at me with a weak smile and nodded. He didn’t say anything. “Alright, let’s do this man. Let’s get this over with.” He said a little bit coldly.

Yeah, he wasn’t over it.

What happened next defied expectations. I didn’t think such a catastrophe was even possible. I wasn’t sure how I knew it was coming.. but I just knew.

It was my wedding day (Hopefully my only one); and my best man was not on speaking terms with me, I had paid most of my groomsmen because I had no friends, and my exes were staring me up and down.

But one thing irked me in a manner I could not even explain. I can’t fully put the feelings into words. But, James was acting like it was his job to protect Maria. But he was very confused, I may have messed up..

But James was very mistaken, it was MY JOB to protect Maria.

Not. His.

———-

MARIA ESPERANZA FLORES

Union Avenue Elementary wasn’t all that. It was a little old building planted smack dab in the heart of Los Angeles. I never really had any issues. My teachers were great, my friends were great, and I lived right down the road. I was only ten at the time, but the memories of bouncing basketballs, tetherball competitions, and impromptu kickball tournaments still hound my memory.

“Don’t look anyone in the eye,” mom would always say. “Make sure you keep your eyes looking straightforward. Keep your eyes looking straight ahead and do not make eye contact with anyone. Do you understand me?” She repeated herself often, but it made sense, I had to plead with her to let me walk to school alone.

From my recollection, the streets of Los Angeles were pretty dangerous. I had always been told a lot of different things about gangs and such. Frankly, it was something I knew nothing about. For the most part, it’s something I never had to worry about. It’s funny, even after my mother finally relented and let me walk to school alone. She always walked about twenty feet behind me, hiding in bushes as she went along. I didn’t mind, I figured it was as good as it was gonna get.

Maria Esperanza Flores. I loved my name, it was classic Mexico. Beautiful, I truly was blessed. Kinda wish we could have stayed.

There were many reasons we decided to move to Arkansas. But choice among them was the lack of job opportunities, and the ever growing influence of dangerous entities in the Los Angeles area. THE INCIDENT is what truly made up our minds. It was late one night.. it all happened very fast. The gunshots, my mother grabbed us all and told us to duck and cover. They were never ending. These types of things were normal, but not ten feet outside our living room window. That was the last straw for my parents. I remember looking out the window once it was all said and done. There was a flurry of bodies on the streets, ambulances everywhere. Quite the thing for a ten year old to see. Once the gunshots subsided, my mother immediately raced us to the car.

This is the part where I learned one of life’s hardest lessons. Sometimes, it really is best not to get involved.

“Please. Can you help me… Please..” Said the limping man. He raised his black jacket to show us his blood stained white shirt underneath. He was in pain. He was injured. And we had the power to help him.

But.

We couldn’t.

“I’m sorry no. We can’t. We’re very in a hurry. Come on Maria, get in the car baby. Quickly. Please. QUICKLY.” Her voice grew in desperation.

“But mom! He needs help!” I said as I saw the man fall to the ground, begging us for help.

“But mom!”

She ignored me.

We drove off quickly. I watched the man through the back window as long as I could. To this very day, I wonder if he's still alive.

The move to Arkansas changed everything. But this was an experience I would never forget. That man, he was a human being. Maybe it would have backfired on us, but I would have helped.

Taken the risk and given that man a ride to the hospital. Instead, now I lay up at night wondering what became of him.

• FOUR YEARS LATER -

By the age of fourteen, my family had settled down in a small town in Arkansas. It was a decent little place, one I’m quite happy my parents chose to settle in. They were able to find decent employment, and I fit in pretty decently in the local schools. I had a small group of friends, not too many but not too few. I was in band. Turns out the city has a state recognized band, so it was nice to be a part of something bigger than myself.

All in all, I was content with the life my family procured for us here this small town. You can walk down the streets at night without getting shanked. You can leave your front door unlocked without fear of anyone breaking in. Neighbors might not always see eye to eye, but they always look out for each other. It was a simple life. Much more subdued than the bustling life in the big city.

Looking back. There was only one guy I ever had a crush on, I guess you could say I got lucky on many fronts. Considering he went on to play a big role in my life. I walked down his locker hallway all the time just to catch a glimpse of him. Around the corner incognito glance, subtle looks in his direction, you name it; I did it. Why? My parents raised me to be a lady, and that I was. But there was something about him, he had a heart.

His name was Marty Buck Stillson, and he was adorable. I low key hated myself for liking him. But he was just so.. So handsome. And cute. And handsome. Did I mention he was handsome? Ha. Sure, he was a little pompous and stuck up. He wasn’t the nicest of guys. But when he smiled.. something happened. I’m not sure what. But something definitely happened and it felt great. Ten out of ten stars, would recommend, would ride again.

Nowadays, the world is enthralled in this ‘Strong Independent Woman’ kick. My friends encouraged me to go up to him and ask him out.

But that will not be happening.

If he’s ever interested, he knows where I am. I literally see him every single day (I make sure of it. Don’t judge me.). It’s funny, moving away to see the world sounds like a mighty fine proposition. But staying here, building a family, settling down, actually sounded great. But only with Marty, no one else had that effect on me.

But I will continue to watch from a distance.

• SIX YEARS LATER -

Preacher always said to act as if you’ve been granted that which you prayed for. I’m going to be honest, as silly as it feels, in my teenage years I prayed for Marty Buck Stillson. Still feels silly, but I sure did pray for Marty.

There was this small Catholic Church I decided to visit one weekend, and it just so turns out that Marty was one of the members. The funny thing is, the way we met isn’t necessarily world changing. Or news worthy. But it was sweet, simple, and just right. It’s actually pretty straightforward.

When I first started attending, I sat in the very back row and he sat in the front row. We made eye contact one day and the great migration began. Slowly but surely, he would move up a row and I would move down a row. We played this game for a few weeks or so. Down one row, Up one row. Down one. Up one. Until finally, we were in the same pew. I thought it was kind of cute.

Before we knew it, we were sharing Bibles.

AND NOW it’s our wedding day.

There’s flowers everywhere, flowers adorning every nook and cranny of this place. They sure went all out for the occasion.

Maybe it’s just pre-wedding jitters, but something feels off. The guests, there’s a certain aura about them. They look worried, and I’m not quite sure why. If I’m being honest, it’s making all my wedding insecurities come out to play.

I’m afraid I’m too plain for him. He wants to stay in five-star hotels, I want to stay in hostels. He wants to eat at the fancy restaurants, I want a Cheeseburger from McDonalds. Part of me feels like I’m making a huge mistake. All of his ex girlfriends are here. I look at them and I see women that are ten times more attractive then me. Women who will take those fancy trips with him. Women who can live up to his family name. And I’m just.. just Maria. I look back to the days when I used to repeat my name to myself.. ‘Maria Esperanza Flores’ filled with pride. And now I’m looking at the audience, realizing that Jennifer Hurst is much more attractive than me. Much richer than me. For all intents and purposes, I have nothing to give Marty.

Preacher always said that the rich would have a much harder time to get into heaven. Is it bad that.. well, that’s one of the main reasons I decided to date Marty. He wasn’t the nicest of people, but well.. he should have an equal shot at heaven too. I convinced myself I could help with that.

“Don’t save him, that’s not your job!” Say all the preachers, and I understand. I’m just.. I like a challenge.

Marty isn’t the nicest. He’s dejected at times, and distant. But I’ve seen what it takes to survive in this world. He’s honest, loyal, a good provider, and he gets along with my family; the perfect combination.

Besides, he’s my high school sweetheart.This is perfect. Everything I’ve ever wanted.So tell me why I’m not smiling…

THE PERFECT WEDDING

He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t. He’s been my best friend since high school. Surely he wouldn’t. I’ll be okay, there’s no way James would betray me like that. I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit worried right now. I just have to remember why I always kept James around, he was the most loyal man I knew; he would not do me dirty like that.

I’m sweating. Standing in front of two-hundred people I don’t know. Half of which I paid to be here. I had to, I wanted Maria to think she was marrying into a well-liked family with lots of friends. But that is not the case, we have a few friends here and there; but for the most part, it’s lonely at the top. I’m starting to get scared. I’m about to marry this woman and I’m starting to wonder whether it’s the right decision. I know she’s perfect. I know she’s gonna be an amazing mother and wife, but what about me? I’m far beyond perfect. I’m not ready to get married. But when you meet a girl like Maria, you lock her down while you can; work through the kinks as you go. At least that’s what I’m trying.

The weird thing about Maria Esperanza Flores? I have thousands in the bank, and she’s the one girl I’ve dated that could give a damn. She’s the strong independent type that loves unconditionally, the type that would do anything for their partner. Unvexed, un-jaded by the world. There’s still hope in her eyes, gotta have that hope.

To make matters worse, some of my ex girlfriends keep staring at me like they’ve come to collect. One of them is smiling a little too much. James is shaking his head and giving me a stern look. All I’m saying, is the tell-tale heart has nothing on me right now. Something is definitely going down; and there’s nothing I can do about it. At this point, I’m just trying to figure out how bad it’s going to be. But it’s not looking good.

I’m a trainwreck right now. But if you were one of the many in attendance, you would see the following: A well-dressed man in his early twenties, a poignant smile with recently whitened teeth, well manicured hair, someone who has it all together. But in reality, I have no idea what I had for breakfast this morning. It may look like I have it all together, but in reality, I don’t have jack together.

Right now, I’m terrified, what if during the “Forever hold your peace” portion of the festivities, one of my crazy exes decides to make a go at it. Maria seems ecstatic, she can’t stop smiling. I make sure to smile back (Being fake at my own wedding), hide the glaring fear.

I glare over at James, wondering if he would… The reality is, I don’t have a choice but to keep James around. He knows too many of my secrets, we’re friends for life. But what if… he wouldn’t. It’s not his job to protect Maria, that’s my job. I just.. He was right though. The only thing on my mind is what Maria once said about cheating.. “If you cheat, God will take care of it. He doesn’t play when it comes to me.” I remember laughing it off. But this raging anxiety has me wondering if there was something to that.

I was about to hyperventilate. Had to continue reminding myself..

Everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

Everything is going to be okay.

• A FEW MOMENTS LATER -

We requested the sermon be kept relatively short. The pastor delivered. I was starting to sweat. I was okay, just a little worried about.. well, things I couldn’t change. Like I said earlier, my situation would make the tell-tale heart blush right now. Something is about to go down, I can feel it in my gut.

The priest took his time to read from the word. His voice helped calm me down. Or perhaps it was the Bible, mother always was convinced it had medicinal properties.

— Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 —

7 Then I returned, and I saw vanity under the sun.

8 There is one alone, and there is not a second; yeah, he hath neither child nor brother: yet is there no end of all his labour; neither is his eye satisfied with riches; neither saith he, For whom do I labour, and bereave my soul of good? This is also vanity, yea, it is a sore travail.

9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour.

10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

11 Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?

12 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Wise words for trying times. I hated that my life with my wife would start in utter chaos. Even if she knew nothing about it, it still wouldn't leave a good impression for me.

One of my exes kept making eyes at me, I kept trying to ignore her. But I’ll admit, I had a sweet spot for her. But no, I was about to be a married man. Though that wouldn’t stop her from flirting, she didn’t care. Actually, that told me a lot about my past dating choices. Sad really. Maria would never.

The priest snapped his fingers at me to get my attention, givingh me a stern scolding look. It was SHOWTIME.

”Now, if there is anyone here who believes these two should not be wed in Holy Matrimony. Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

The moment of truth.

There was a long moment of silence. In fact, it actually made me rather uncomfortable. Why didn’t the minister move on? It was like he was waiting for someone to intervene. I stared at him, waiting for him to continue. But he wasn’t interested in me, just as I suspected; he was staring at the audience. Looking for someone, anyone, to speak now. The entire debacle was rather hilarious. His neck stretched out and everything, looking about the room. Expecting someone, anyone, to ruin my wedding. Wish I could say I was confused, but someone knew something. Someone must have gone to confession.

My ex-girlfriends started taunting me, which actually made me laugh a little (At the most inappropriate time). They feigned getting up, and quickly sat back down. Sharing a mischevious smile, and I’ll be totally honest; it worked. I laughed at the worst possible moment. Who does that? Prairie dogging the SPEAK NOW moment, now that’s something else. They might have been gold diggers, but at least they were funny.

What happened next, made me wish I had never shown up. Skipped my own wedding. Boarded a plane. Left the country and never looked back.

James stepped forward first. Saying in a fiery raised voice, “Maria! He doesn’t deserve you. He’s been sleeping with his ex-girlfriends. I have proof. You’re a good person. Don’t do this. You don’t need this. Don’t marry this asshole. Even I’ve dropped his sketch ass.”

The crowd gasped loudly.

One of my ex-girlfriends went next, she wasn’t joking… She got up completely and spoke up. “Girl. I slept with him last night. He told me you would be good to raise kids and that’s about it, he said he’d keep me on the side. Just so you know.” She paused and then faced me. “Sorry Marty, girls have to look out for each other you know.. I actually only came to let her know. Sorry. Again, if we don’t look out for each other, no one else will.”

There were many nods from women in the audience, they approved of her message.

As you could tell, things were going great.

A man in the back decided it was time for an ill-timed joke. "Girl I saw him in Grindr!"

The entire crowd gasped again, even louder this time. With instant murmurs afterward.

"HEY!" I yelled. "Now that one's not true!"

"Just kidding!" Said the man with a huge grin as he sat back down. Laughing his ass off.

“ANYONE ELSE!” I yelled at the audience frustrated. I was THIS close to losing it.

I kept staring at James and my ex in anger. Until I realized, I had forgotten about the only person that mattered.

Maybe they were right…

I turned to look at Maria. Who was on the floor in tears, clinging to her wedding gown. My heart. My soul. Everything imploded all at once. I was supposed to protect Maria, and this is what I did to her.

“Is this true?” She said in a near whisper.

I froze. I couldn’t speak. I chose the “We can neither confirm nor deny” stance. Actually the worse play I could have made.

“Maria.. Listen. We can fix this. Okay. Marry me. We’ll run away. Please! We’ll run away. We’ll never see any of these people again! I promise. I’ll never be anywhere near any of them. We’ll start a new life somewhere else. We’ll have a good life. I only want you. You’re the only one I want Maria. It’s you. Only You. Please…”

I saw a side of Maria I never thought I’d see that day. She gently got up and dusted off her wedding dress, and handed me her engagement ring. And in a soft voice, she simply said:

“Don’t worry. You’ll never see me again. Since they make you so happy. Marry one of them. I cannot pursue a marriage with you anymore, we would not be equally yoked. I’m sorry.” She had everyone’s attention. She walked slowly down the aisle, back from where she came. Defeated. The room dead silent.

I was never the same after that day.

At this point. I should have accepted that I did wrong. But rage got the best of me.

“HOW DARE YOU? YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLE! HOW DARE YOU? AFTER EVERYTHING I’VE DONE FOR YOU!? I’VE KNOWN YOU FOREVER YOU LITTLE PRICK! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!” I yelled at James.

The crowd gasped.

“How dare I?!? HOW DARE I?!? HOW DARE YOU!?! How dare you take advantage of Maria like that?! How dare you take advantage of a sweet girl like Maria!?! HOW DARE YOU?!? You need a serious reality check if you think God doesn’t protect people like her. I DIDN’T COME HERE FOR YOU, YOU FUCKING Narcissist. I came here to make sure Maria didn’t end up with a dick like you.” He got in my face.

Annnnddd… That’s where things got ten times worse.

Right punch. Left punch. Swift kick in the rear. We both lunged at each other. He grabbed my neck and I grabbed his groin. Power move. We both just kept kicking and screaming wherever we could reach. Animalistic instinct took over. I landed a blow. He landed a blow. The priest and a few of the hired best men separated us. I think at this point, we were both a little ashamed at what had transpired.

“You’ve known that girl since high school. You know what she suffers with. SHE TRUSTED YOU! And you still took advantage of her kindness. You once told me it was your job to take care of Maria. Well today I came here to do your job for you, because you weren’t doing it well. And in case it’s not obvious. YOU’VE BEEN RELIEVED OF YOUR DUTIES.”

That was the last time I would ever see James Evan Pate.Those were the last words he would ever speak to me.And he was right.

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CHAPTER TEN

• ONE MONTH LATER -

They say money can’t buy happiness. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but they’re one hundred percent right. A part of me wishes I could just shower Maria with presents, new cars, money to have her come back. But I know better, that would never work. Not with Maria.

“Focus on the eternal,” She used to tell me. “Those are the things that matter.” She would always say.

She actually ended up packing her bags and moving away a week later. Broke my heart. It wasn’t until… that dream with God that I saw her again. Even though it was just a dream, I’m glad she’s in a better place. And I’m.. somewhere. It’s a place filled with hurt and regret. A land unknown, a place you can’t buy yourself out of. God didn’t play about Maria, James was right, and I had to find out the hard way.

Now, the next step I took was a bit drastic. I’ll be the first to admit. But, in my anger. I.. well, I’m not proud of my decision.

Sir Cheshire was his name. He had a small shop in the downtown. Nobody really knows what he does, his shop masquerades as a little bookshop. But in reality, it was something else entirely. Sir Cheshire and I were on a first name basis, this wasn’t the first time I had reached out to him for help. He was a good friend.

“What are you doing here?” He said coldly.

“Well that's a warm greeting. Hello to you too.”

“You expect a warm greeting after what you did?”

“You heard about that?”

“Marty, the queen of England heard about that.”

All I could do was shake my head and give him a confused smile.

“Alright. So you need help after your wedding blew up in your face, makes sense. God, when you mess up, you sure do go all out. Take down the whole ship.” He said with a slight chuckle.

“Ah, a glimmer of kindness.”

“Enjoy it. It’s all you’ll get. I just need to let you know there’s not much I can do for you. Especially if you’re trying to take action against.. Well, people who don’t deserve it.”

I remained quiet for a moment. “Listen. I didn’t ask. I’m not proud of what happened. But I do need you to understand something. I helped James through EVERYTHING, when no one else would help him; I did. I sat with him at lunch when nobody else would. When he couldn’t afford lunch, I paid for it. His betrayal was inexcusable! It was just wrong. It wasn’t his job to protect Maria. I knew how to protect Maria. I was going to stop cheating eventually anyway, he had no business stepping in like that. Protecting her from the one person who loved her more than anything. I would have died for that girl. You know me Sir Cheshire, you know I’m a good man.”

He lifted his eyebrows and stared at me incredulously. “A good man. Is that what you call yourself? After everything? Eh, I’d call yourself a Work-In-Progress. Just being honest.”

“Very funny. However, let’s get down to business. I want to put a curse on someone. I want them to suffer as much as I did for what they did to me. An eye for an eye.”

“You don’t mean.. You can’t be serious right now. Are you talking about James? Are you kidding me right now? That boy was helping Maria! He wasn’t thinking about you! Maria is sensitive! The way you were treating her, if she found out, do you know how much that would have devastated her?!”

“I’ve known James Pate for a long time. He’s fine. He betrayed me on a level that he should not have. I cannot let this stand without retribution.”

“How delirious are you.. really? You were out running around, sleeping with half the town. You think they’re just going to let you marry the sweetest woman known to man? That’s not how that works. Maria was a woman of faith. God protects her! I even shudder at his mention. He’s very real, and Maria was not the one to mess with. You have to admit, you royally fucked up.”

I took a deep breath and tried to keep my composure, accepting constructive criticism was not my forte. “While that may be the case. When I first came to request your services, you promised me to stay impartial. While we may not see eye to eye on some things, James should not have done what he did and he must be punished. I fed him. I clothed him. I helped him when nobody else would. An eye for an eye, I want him to suffer just like I’m suffering right now.”

Sir Cheshire sighed loudly and opened his big spellbook for a few moments. Then he took a quick glance at a large group of potions he kept hidden in a secret counter space. “Alright,” he finally spoke. “I can help. But his punishment I cannot make like yours, for he did not commit something as egregious as you did. If you want my help. Then this is all I’m willing to offer you. A solution where he will suffer, but he won’t suffer too much. However, it will make him a ridicule in the eyes of the world; like he helped make you a ridicule.”

“What can you do?”

“Here. Take this potion, sprinkle it inside his shoes and watch the magic happen. He will be overcome with an insatiable spirit, agony, and despair that he will be unable to quench. He will yearn for death, and will walk toward it. He will begin to walk and he will not stop. He will walk around aimlessly, for miles and miles without any recollection of his current whereabouts. His steps will never end.”

“So he’ll walk for the rest of his days.”

“That is correct.”

“And there’s no way he’ll know he was cursed?”

“Has anyone else you’ve cursed found out?”

“Good point.” I replied.

He gave me a look of serious consternation and leaned in, “I need to you pay attention right now. I’ve never given you anything like this before. So I need you to fully understand something before you use it.”

He had my full attention.

“Your friend James Pate will walk endlessly, seeking death. But the thing is, most that are cursed with this spell eventually find it. So you must understand, once you place this potion in his shoes… There is no stopping it. You are effectively serving him a death sentence.”

My eyes widened, I took a moment to question whether it was something I really wanted. And then I remembered Maria on the floor at the altar, crying. Broken. He played a part in that. He said I couldn’t protect Maria, I’ll show him how well I protect her.

“I understand,” I said with a cold nod. “Per our usual arrangement, complete confidentiality correct? I was never here.”

Sir Cheshire sighed and nodded. “Correct.”

So I grabbed the small glass bottle with the red liquid and I started to head out the front door.

“Hey! Wait, don’t forget!” He reached out and handed me a paper bag with a book in it. “Today, you were here to buy ‘The Taming of the Shrew.’”

“Right. Of course.” Had to keep up the charade.

I could tell he wanted to say more. But I had already made up my mind, I didn’t want him to dissuade me. So I tried to make a quick exit out the front door.

“Marty..” I stopped halfway out the door. “Please don’t do this. James was trying to help. Please don’t do this to him.”

Father taught me exactly what to say in times like this. “I appreciate your concern. I will take your words under advisement. Have a good evening.”

I’d rather not say how I was able to get the potion into his shoes. Plausible deniability and all, you understand. All I can say is.. it worked.

James Pate took off the next day, headed straight into Oklahoma. When we were on better terms, he had shared his iPhone location with me; he never turned it off. Believe it or not, he walked from Oklahoma to Kansas. From Kansas to Missouri, and then somehow ended up in Minnesota. Sir Cheshire was a lifesaver. Every now and then I would remember this all ended in his death.. so I stopped checking up on him. He would meet his end, and I didn’t need to know about it.

I had gotten my revenge.I was content.Everything was well in the world.Or so I thought.

One week later, I Marty Buck Stillson was walking down Main Street, when I was run over by a tow truck. Killing me instantly. Surprise Surprise.

God was watching the entire time.

And what goes around comes around.

Created & Horribly Written by J.J. Haro

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joseph Jesus Haro (👋) — Born in Los Angeles, California, raised in the heartland State of Arkansas. University of Arkansas Alumni, Kappa Alpha Order Fraternity Alumni. At the end of the day I’m really just a normal guy who loves God and cares about his eternity, always striving to help others from all walks of life do the same.

It's a great big world out there. A world full of danger, twists & turns around every corner. A world much better lived with God at our side. I don't know where I'd be without the guy. He comes through every single time. Breathless moments one after the next.

Don't believe me?

Stick Around. I’ll show you.

J.J. Haro.

A MYSTERIOUS TALES Short Story.
WELD: Part Four | All Rights Reserved.

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Is it supposed to feel like the ultimate bliss? Meeting The One for you? The source of endless butterflies?

Is there a specific moment where you genuinely tell yourself "This is it, this is them. They're the one I want," and we just never look back? Is it just me or did adults forget to tell us the unspoken truth about love?

Those butterflies that captivate us in the very beginning, can result in an unintended metamorphosis when love is handled recklessly. Those soft brisk butterflies that tickle our fancy can become cold steel jagged creatures that run us ragged.

God is Love; Not something to be treated precariously. So careful with those steel butterflies, lest they become welded to your heart by the fire of your heartbreak.

Trust. Some things, are very difficult to undo. (1 John 4:16)

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Full Short Story
Coming 03.31.2025
luckygoj.substack.com

J.J. Haro