A MYSTERIOUS TALES Short Story.
Equilibrium: Part II| All Rights Reserved.
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M | J.J. Haro
Sometimes I take a serious step back for a moment of deep introspection. And I begin to ask myself a plethora of difficult questions. For example, what is the main thing that gets me through each day?
And I really wish I had the answer to that, most days truly do go by as a blur. I enjoy studying scripture, so I go deep down these religious rabbit holes where I start to ask myself the important questions.. Why does God allow some things? (I wonder that a lot…)
Has He not heard my pleading?
Have I shed tears in vain?
Why oh why have You forsaken me my God?
Lol. Listen to me, I sound like an ungrateful fool.
I’m a spoiled brat, at least that’s what I tell myself to keep me in line. From becoming conceited or awry, there are others out there with a much more burdensome lot in life. Honestly, I think we could all stand to be a bit more thankful for the things we have. I have everything I could possibly ever need; a roof over my head, plenty of food, access to clean water, and a hard earned education no one can ever take from me.
Though I will admit, I am far beyond perfect, even I am fully cognizant that my character leaves much to be desired. (Working on that) I swear I’m a nice person. Just. Somewhere along my journey I lost the ability to trust others, after many consecutive disappointments from those in my inner circle.
I am quite the fighter though, a man who rarely allows defeat. When I do lose, I end up working my ass off to make sure I come out on top next time. That is, of course, unless I already won during the first round. Being OCD and only allowing perfection definitely has its benefits. You would think such a characteristic is something enviable, but in reality it is quite the soul sucking endeavor.
And there are many downfalls.. For example, the blow of defeat is much more pronounced in me than in others. Quite the unfortunate thing, though I’ve acquired the emotional intelligence needed to overcome such annoyances with age.
Not all bad news though, there are times when all of your hard work and dedication leads to a moderate success. Perhaps even a new concept or a slight stroke of genius no one else can replicate; unique, one-of-a-kind. But the amount of work required to achieve such feats can drive a person MAD. But yes, it is nice to know your work is appreciated from time to time.
I am quite the fighter though, a man who rarely allows defeat. When I do lose, I end up working my ass off to make sure I come out on top next time. That is, of course, unless I already won during the first round. Being OCD and only allowing perfection definitely has its benefits. You would think such a characteristic is something enviable, but in reality it is quite the soul sucking endeavor.
And there are many downfalls.. For example, the blow of defeat is much more pronounced in me than in others. Quite the unfortunate thing, though I’ve acquired the emotional intelligence needed to overcome such annoyances with age.
Not all bad news though, there are times when all of your hard work and dedication leads to a moderate success. Perhaps even a new concept or a slight stroke of genius no one else can replicate; unique, one-of-a-kind. But the amount of work required to achieve such feats can drive a person MAD. But yes, it is nice to know your work is appreciated from time to time.
I’ve always been the curious type. I’ve gone through an Emo phase, Preppy phase, Grunge Phase, you name it and I’ve lived it. The fraternity parties, the internship with the entertainment conglomerate, the bank job, the skills, everything I believed comprised American Dream. The older I get, the more I realize there are actually millions upon millions different versions of the American Dream; each one just as important as the other.
Last year I backpacked throughout the entire United States of America, that was alright. I got to see it all. From the star-spangled fields of Kansas to the luxury lined town of Miami. All in all I had a blast, even almost moved to Canada. It’s been quite the last two years. It was nice, some had heard of my neverending walk. You know how they tell you to walk away? Oh, I did. Just, kind of forgot how to stop.
It’s been a lonely past few years, but I don’t think I’d change it for the world. This person I’ve become, resilient with an iron will… is someone else entirely, undoubtedly the best version of myself this Earth has ever seen. But, it’s also brought upon some unexpected challenges and side quests. I was once told “The bigger the dream, the more the world will test you.” The truth in this statement is unsurmountable. So it’s been a careful move forward in all directions, a difficult but rewarding entanglement.
But as I’ve cultivated the new best version of myself, I’ve had to learn many hard life lessons. Lessons no one can really teach. The ones that we all have to learn one way or another. Lucky for me, in the tumultuousness of it all I saw a clear-cut opportunity in the rough. Why not chisel away at my old foundation and build a more… eternal foundation. The perfect time to reorganize my priorities. To secure my soul in this life and the next, while rebuilding this fractured persona into a wiser version. Seriously, rebuilding yourself from the ground up takes some grit, it’s not the easiest thing to do. But the most gratifying, that much I can attest to.
Imagine shedding off different parts of yourself, parts of yourself you seriously loved.. they brought you joy and moments of reprieve, but they just weren’t helpful for you in the longrun. The more we shed old versions of ourselves, the more terrifying life can seem. Why? Because its all new. Uncharted territory. You hold none of the cards, the curveballs are new and you can no longer predict when they will arrive.
Well, at least not yet. We learn, we assimilate I’ve cone to find. But some things take patience and time, prayers, faith, and God. I came to find the most beautiful truth I’ve learned..
Whispers
“God is real.”
The playing field changed, everything I thought I knew and understood changed. I was doing life all wrong and I had been too blind to see it. We live in a world where many different factions of religion believe many different things.. so who was right? I really didn’t give it much thought, the path forward was clear to me. Church and I haven’t always seen eye to eye, so how could I pursue a relationship with God on my own?
Well, the only way I knew how; The Bible. In a scurry of hype I raced to the local Walgreens, bought two hardcover notebooks and started the world’s most insane adventure I’d ever embarked on. I started to learn how scandalous some of the Bible’s biggest names really were. You know Job ripped his robes when he was in mourning? How often did he do that? How many different wardrobes had he purchased? His dry cleaning bill must have been significant. Ha. My weird mind posed all these unique questions that just enthralled me. I understood more. I began to see the Bible come to life on a daily basis. Which, let me just say is not always the most comfortable thing. 😅
As I began to cultivate this new version of me, I knew my source of instruction had to be tested in the trials of all things good and evil. Amd the only book I knew could do that was… The Bible. Proverbs, Psalms, Revelations, you name it. I began to copy Bible Verses down en masse. Hundreds of hours spent chipping away at the reckless abandon of my scruples, the corruption of my function, the taming of the shrew if you will. With each pen stroke my mental resiliency improved, my acuity, my grammar, my wisdom began to multiply. Even though I didn’t know it just yet, the most horrible versions of myself began to melt off. Like a snake shedding its skin, my proverbial bosom began grow significantly. Some of the things I’d worried about for so long became moot, as my priorities shifted.. a true balance of spirits took place in me. It’s difficult to even explain, it felt… supernatural even.
“Be Wise as Serpents & harmless as Doves (Matthew 10:16)” says the good book. The more I poured myself into Bible Study, the wiser I became. Well, it’s actually a work in progress, still getting better day by day. As the scales of the heavens began to align. It’s important I share these experiences I believe. The opportunities, miracles, answered prayers, EVERYTHING God has come to represent in my life. He became EVERYTHING to me.
An equilibrium of sorts began to take place, and I was powerless to stop it.
J.J. Haro
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A1 | UNWIELDY COLLATERAL DAMAGE
A2 | ETHEREAL
A3 | EQUILIBRIUM
Coming Soon
A4 | WELD | 03.31.2024
